Thursday. It's almost a great day because Friday is just around the corner. One of my classes is cancelled and I'm ditching a class (right now in fact), so it's made for an easy day. I'm not sure how productive I'll be (so far I've been wasting time with things like this), but I have a lot of time to change that. Classes are good, people are good, it's been a good week. Not so long as last week which has been nice. Last week felt like a year. I wrote a song this week. It had been over a year. It's rather funny how it came about. Basically some people I was hanging out with made some really dumb comments that made me really angry, and it stirred up enough passion in me that I had to write about it. I instantly had a new chord progression, and the song was born. There are still some kinks to work out with the verses and the melody, but I thought I'd put it up here.

I've seen a bit of a double standard
People looking at each other feeling ten feet tall,
Staring at another like they're six inches small
Feeling somehow they're superior
In my opinion it's all ignorance
Lack of knowledge mixed with lack of interest

Refusing to understand one another
It will be our greatest downfall,
He created us to relate to each other
Pride inbetween we create our own barrier
We all ate the fruit but still somehow think we're better

How can we be surprised that they can't understand His love
When we can't even show it to each other
Putting others down never stopping to turn around
and face reality that we were made the same
Content to stay in our own comfort
Ignorace cannot be bliss
In fact it's often how we hurt each other
If we could seek to understand rather than be understood
We just might find we'd learn to love each other

Seems to me that something's broke
Since when did we think that some sin was worse than any other
Disgusted by practices we can't image
We say, "I'd never fall to that temptation"
We might all fall in different ways but that doesn't mean we can't be saved

Redemption can be found in our Savior
Wholeness can be found in our Savior

Today's been an interesting day. Well, maybe it hasn't been especially interesting except for the second half of the rugby game I watched this afternoon. A friend of mine from high school was out here today because her boyfriend is on the rugby team at her school, which had a match at my school today. So I got to watch my first live game of rugby and hang out with her a bit and catch up a little. It's got people from high school back on my mind again. I don't know how long they'll stay on my mind, but it just makes me wonder about them again. Where are they, how's life treating them, what are they learning, how are classes, what are they seeing God do (if they even are).

I suppose I could take some time to shorten that list of topis by at least one. I guess I'll start with the one I'm most excited about, which would be the whole YWAM/DTS/UofN deal. Basically I've been looking into DTS's (dicipleship training school) at various University of the Nations locations. There's only one campus in the US (Hawaii, not bad), and the other campus I'm looking at is in Switzerland. Why UofN and not any of those other hundreds of bases? None of those bases offer a DTS which will allow me to miss only the fall semester of school. Basically because of tons of boring scheduling stuff (which I'm not going to explain) I have to miss the fall semester of school, not the spring. So, UofN it is, and I'm fine with that.

In two years I'll be done with my music core and half-way through my college career. I figure by that time I'm going to have changed even more than I have in the last six months, and that I'm going to be relatively tired of school. I also figure I'm going to be in need of a fresh vision on my life, its purpose, and just who God is in the midst of it. I'm stoked about the ways God has met and spoken to me here, but I know that there's so much more waiting for me if I would really just press in. I think (I know) a DTS would equip me to do that. I've seen lives (mainly this one) dramatically changed by their time away and intense study while on a DTS. I want to be stretched that way, I want to grow that way, and I want to learn more of God's heart and will for my life. So in a way a DTS would be taking a break, but in a lot of ways it will probably be more intense than anything I'm doing at school. I'm stoked for the learning experience, and stoked to see what God does with this desire and how he'll bring it to pass if He wants it.

I love that about God. The fact that if He wants it you don't have to worry at all about it happening, it just will.

I suppose I'll stop there. Maybe if I do one subject each time it will motivate me to blog more frequently. That felt good, I've forgotten how good it can be to write sometimes.

Well, I guess three days is better than a month right? Unfortunately I'm not really in the mood to write here. I think that's because I've sat in front of a computer much too long already, and everytime I do I feel this immense rush of laziness. That's pretty much because I've been putting off a study guide for one of my mid-terms next week, and everytime I get on the computer it reminds me about it and increases my extreme dislike for it.

There are things I need to write in here in terms of catch up though. So I guess I'll make myself a list and hope I get to them eventually.

Things Krystle has been too lazy to write about:
Current and past readings of the past two weeks
The trip home (including the delays)
Homework
YWAM/DTS/UofN
Summer

This update is for sara, who told me last night that my blog was long overdue for an update.

Ok, so it's been a while. Longer than it took Mel to write in her blog, which is pretty sad considering I have access to a computer and the internet every day and she doesn't.

I can use the age old excuse I've been busy. And I have been. It's been a good busy though. The kind of busy where I have stuff to do, but I still have free time at the end of the day to do with what I please. I've been reading a lot lately. Last week I read two books: If You Want to Walk on Water, You've Got to get Out of the Boat and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (please hold all Harry Potter debate, I don't want to hear it). I got started on this reading kick last weekend when my flight home was delayed over two hours. Dang storms in Phoenix. I'm greatful for it though. I feel like I haven't read because I wanted to for so long, and it's great to do it again. I ordered a book online which I'm pretty stoked about, and hopefully it will be coming today or tomorrow.

So, I guess there's so much to say that I can't really say it all. But hopefully I'll start writing here more regularly, and catch all 5 readers up a bit on what's been going on in my life, at school, and in my head.

Lately I've been really overwhelmed by the peace of God. Not to say I neccessarily have had it all the time, but I've been overwhelmbed by the sheer thought of it. Actual, the past week has been filled with a lot of rest and unrest. But this afternoon in the midst of some chaos it was so cool to just sit back and realize that God is in control and that I can trust and rest in that. Yeah you've heard it a million times maybe, but it's all been really fresh to me lately.

I'm going to dinner with my grandparents tonight, that should be cool. My dad's mom and husband actually. I haven't seen them since Christmas, and before that for several months, so it will be cool to hang out with them and exchange stories.

I'd really like to know why this icon keeps popping up on my task bar. It's a mouse icon, and no matter how many times I uncheck the "show icon in the task bar" it keeps coming back up. It says my batteries are low or something. Right. Except that I just put new batteries in at the beginning of this semester, and last semester I never even had to change them.

Ok so yesterday and today have broken the whole "phenominal weekends" bit hard core. I had a mother of a night last night, followed by the worst headache I've ever had, followed by waking up with flu-like symptoms this morning. Loads of fun ladies and gentlemen, let me tell you. At least I haven't had to do anything today. I've just laid around, called my mom, watched a movie...stuff like that. I think I'm gonna pop another movie in pretty soon. Movies are nice distractions from feeling ill.

I thought calling my mom was going to make me super-emtional so I put it off for a while, but it was ok. I just had to convince myself it would do more bad than good to cry. All that negative emotion plus feeling sick is a really bad combo. So now I'm going to try to relax, continue a conversation I'm in, and hope that the soup I ate a while ago doesn't find its way out of my system more quickly than it should (if you know what I mean).

Two phenominal weekends in a row. I need to stop having these kind of weekends, I'm just spoiling myself. I spent the weekend at my friend's house, hanging out, meeting friends and family, doing a bit of homework, and mainly just relaxing. It was so nice to get off campus. Being at school just reminds me of school. Which reminds me of work. Which makes me stressed out. It's not a good thing. So, it was nice to be away.

Only two more days of classes this week which will be really nice. I'm not really looking forward to either of them (I have a few quizzes), but hey what else is new. Next week should be a mother. I have a big test in one of my classes, and I think I'm going to be studying my head off this weekend. But at least it's a three day weekend, that will help me out a lot. Choir concerts start again this Sunday. It'll be cool, but I'm bummed to not have my Sunday's off anymore.

I'm really sick of the second door squeaking. They put stuff on it last week to make it stop, but three days later it was squeaking again. It's obnoxious.

I'm in college. It's been busy. It's been social. It's been hard and nice and cool all wrapped up into one. I had a great weekend. We did such things as piercing our ears (picture should come soon) at a place called Inflictions, going to church, hanging out at a friend's house, and going out to dinner. We also ate ice cream for dinner on our rebellious piercing day. Loads of fun. This week hasn't been so fun. It's been very slow, and I feel stressed out. I have a list of stuff that's due tomorrow, a speech to give, a ten bar MIDI song to write, piano songs to learn, voice to practice. But I'm ok. It'll all be ok.

That's all for now, I'm off to class in a minute.

So it's been a long week. I arrived back at school Sunday evening around 5, and have since been trying to adjust, attend classes, basically get back into the swing of things. The only problem is that it's a completely different swing. That's alright though, and I'm getting used to it. I'm starting to like it even. Things are getting more comfortable in my new room and my roommate and I are getting more used to each other every day. I think I have my new schedule memorized and I'm starting to work out its quirks and peculiarities. I'm not enjoying the three hour break I have on Tuesdays and Thursdays. It's much too long. I love the fact that today my piano class was ten minutes long because my prof was on vacation. I'm excited because my choir's actually in a good mood again and I'm having fun with it. I'm stoked because at this moment I have no voice lessons to practice for, therefore I have a lot more free time. I am happy to see all my friends again and realize what a blessing they are to have.

I've been eating in the caf this week. It's kinda gross, but it's a change from last semester. I've actually been going to dinner with people, rather than hanging out with myself in my room. Oddly enough, the interaction puts me in a better mood. Who would have guessed.

The topic of the week at my school has definitely been love. More specifically, God's love for us. It's been a cool thing. I'm trying to start some good habits for the first time in a couple years. I've been getting up early to spend time with God, and it's making a difference. Not like it used to, but I'll get there. I'm so used to living apart from Him at this point it's difficult to suddenly turn that all around. Actually it's impossible to suddenly turn it all around. He's turning it though in His time, and I'm stoked to see what He does.

I'm heading back to school tomorrow. The reality is beginning to sink in, and it's taking its effects already. Last night I broke down. I can never fully explain why, I just do it each time I have to leave. I'm fine once I get there, it's just all the anticipation that kills me. Eventually I got sick of crying (that only took about five minutes) so I stuck my nose back in Acts. I'm going to have to write more in here some time about Acts, because that book is so interesting. But I'm not going to do that right now. So, I read some of Acts for a while and that settled me down. Generally though, once I lay back down again the tears will resume. So I sang. Well, if you could call it singing. I sang whatever came to mind. Bits of scripture, bits of song phrases that I knew, basically whatever came to my head to praise God about. Five to ten minutes of that, and I was settled quite nicely. I fell asleep shortly after. God is good.

Oooooooooo I'm so mad. UConn just beat Tennessee in overtime by one point. I hate UConn. I used to watch Tennessee all the time back in the day. Those were the glory days, when they had Holdsclaw and Randall and Catchings. It'll never be the same.

I fought myself to get out of bed this morning. It was 9:30, and part of me wanted to get up and go to church, but most of me did not. Finally church won out though, and I made it to the 80s church as they were starting the first song. I got to see a friend there that I haven't seen since this summer, so it was cool to catch up and hear about how she's been. She's been in Phoenix doing Master's Commission. Church was alright. Honestly I don't remember too much about it, except that the sermon was on getting a good report. I could expand but I'm not going to, because I'm much more excited about this afternoon and tonight than this morning.

In the middle of last week my pastor called me up and told me that I was it for church sunday night, because the person who was going to lead couldn't come afterall. I was fine with that. In fact, I was already planning on helping her out anyway, since she isn't a normal worship leader at the church. So, I got to church today at about 2:45, feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing. Yesterday I had been so excited, but today I mostly felt ill. All afternoon my stomach churned. I prayed, but it didn't seem to help much. Once we got going though, everything was fine. We eneded up with a "coffeeshop" band, meaning I was on acoustic guitar, then there was a keyboard, bass, and various percussion and hand drums. It rocked. It's so much easier to organize with four instruments rather than 100. Ok, slight exaggeration, but everything was so tight and so simple, it was great. It definitely made it a lot easier for my first time leading worship with a band.

The service was great. I forgot how fun it is to lead worship. I haven't done it since high school really, so to be in that position again was a cool thing. I definitely think more about what I'm singing when I'm leading. You'd think it wouldn't be that way, because it's so easy to get distracted with all the logistics. But in reality, it focuses me on what we're saying, because I'm leading a bunch of people in worship. I need to examine myself and check my motives when I'm up there, and I need to genuinely worship. So overall it was loads of fun, and a huge challenge from God all at the same time. I think in some ways too it was a bit of confirmation about what I'm thinking of studying in school. I'm majoring in music, and have been thinking for a while about emphasizing in church music. Leading tonight renewed a bit of that passion in me, and I'm excited to see what God does with it.

It came to my attention tonight that Christmas (in its true meaning) represents the most ridiculous events ever to happen on earth. Picture this: Almighty, all powerful, all knowing God as a human. Does that seem ridiculous to anyone else? God, who was before us, created the entire universe, and holds all things together as a man. A little tiny human being. And it's not like he came down as a man. He was a baby. A helpless baby. He couldn't speak, he couldn't eat on his own, he couldn't walk or crawl. How does God, who at one moment is running the vast expanses of the universe suddenly trade that in to be a helpless baby on the speck called earth? Like I said, it's ridiculous.

I played golf today for the first time in probably over a year. Since my junior year of high school I think I've played maybe 3 times. My dad took me out to a private course that his company did some work for. The course is closed to the public (it costs a fortune to join - six figures), but he can get on sometimes on monday's because it's maintenance day. We played holes 4-9, then played 11 and 12 and finished out on 3. We didn't have a score card, so it was a great chance to just relax and have a good time together. I hadn't seen the course since it was completed (it was just built this year) so it was amazing to see the finished product. The place is gorgeous, and the afternoon was worth it for the views alone.

And that's all I did today. It's a beautiful thing. I caught myself thinking last night, "Oh no the weekend's almost over." Then I realized that today would be no different than the weekend. Christmas break is a beautiful thing.

I am so mad. I just wrote the longest blog I've written in so long. And it was meaningful and asked questions. ARGH. It was about God even. He's probably not appreciating the angry thoughts running through my head right now. I even pressed copy before I tried to post it just in case. Did that work? NO.

We did not lose power. It rained like a mother this morning and early afternoon, but our power stayed on the whole time. Now we're supposed to get snow flurries tonight. I hope the ground is white when I wake up. It's snowed her twice in my lifetime. Now, when I say snow I'm talking about two inches of it that actually hit the ground and stuck. I live in California alright? I am in northern CA so it's colder up here, but snow is very unusual, especially when your town is only 98ft above sea level.

On a completely different note, I passed all my classes! And I kept my scholarship! So I was only about 0.05 something away from the cut of, but who cares I still made it! Three point freaking 75 is quite difficult for college, and for only $4,000 dollars I don't know why they make the requirements so hard. Straight A's in high school is nothing like a 3.75 in college.

I've been thinking a lot today about all sorts of different things. The last 24 hours or so I've been thinking a lot about the friends I have an how extremely amazing they are. I know the most incredible, beautiful people. When I really sit down and think about it, I cannot believe all the things that God has done in these people's lives and how intricately and wonderfully He has made them. It sounds cheesy, but honestly there are no words to describe what I see when I look at them. And I know God sees even more than that and has even more love than that, and it completely blows me away. I've been thinking about other things too; where I'm at with God mostly. I was thinking about back in the day when things were so tight with God, when I could literally just spend the entire day (or close to it) in His presence. I never realized how hard that was, and how much discipline it requires. Funny how you grow up and become more mature, but become less mature in other things. You'd think that as I got older it would be easier to be disciplined, but it's only become more difficult. I'm hoping to start a new pattern over break, but thus far haven't been too successful. I feel God's call today though, that little voice He has a tendancy to use some times. It's been a while since I've felt that ever-so-slight longing. Maybe I should listen.

Can we all pray that the storm that's supposed to hit my area tomorrow is not as bad as the previous one and that my house does not lose power again? That was really not fun.

Today was a nice day. Besides the fact that my alarm went off at 7:46. Just the fact that I had to get up to an alarm was hard enough, but an alarm at that hour was painful. From there the day was nice though. Some members of my graduating class are back from school, and our govt/econ teacher asked us to speak to this year's seniors about college life. We got to talk to each class for half an hour, which was really cool. The four of us were pretty good friends with a lot of people in that class so it was cool to see them and get to talk about what our life has been like the past four months or so.

Between classes we had several hours to kill so we went out to lunch at Lyon's then hung around at one of my friend's house. It's so different to hang out with high school friends now. The whole time we were together (well besides the times we were goofing off) we were talking about school. We don't really have similar experiences anymore, just vague similarities. So we shared stories, compared experiences, and had a good time catching up. One of my friends was upset about this. At one point during lunch she said, "Ok, let's not talk about school." I answered quietly, "There isn't really anything else to talk about." To a certain extent that was true, and she knew it. She just didn't want it to be that way. I'm alright with it, because as much as I love them I wasn't as close to anyone as she was. Quite frankly, I feel like I have closer friends after 4 months of college than after 4 years of high school. I definitely have more history with my high school friends and I love them dearly, but I've found a completely different level of friendship away at school.

I guess you just feel torn when you're at home. You have an old life here, your family is here, and your old friends from high school are here. But your current life is all...well...there. It's hard to explain unless you've been there before. But, I'm still enjoying the time at home. And I can't wait to see them all again when I go back to school for chapel tomorrow.

I've been home since thursday night, and if you don't count today then I think more of my time at home has been spent without electricity than with it. Needless to say it's been a weird couple of days. Things are looking pretty nice today though. We have our power back (came back last night at 3am, after over 24 hours without it), the sun is shining, and I just made myself some lunch. We have a kitchen. It's so nice to have a kitchen where you can make yourself lunch. Ahhh the things you take for granted until you live in a dorm.

My plans for my break consist of sleep, hang out, watch tv, get ahead in some classwork, write songs, play guitar, work out, and spend some serious time with God. The last four haven't really happened yet. I have three more weeks though, they'll get done for sure.

If there's a song that makes you want to get on your knees it's this one.

Remember Surrender
Sara Groves

Remember surrender • Remember the rest • Remember that weight lifting off of your chest • And realizing that it's not up to you and it never was • • Remember surrender • Remember relief • Remember how tears rolled down both of your cheeks • As the warmth of a heavenly father came closing in • • I want to do that again • Why can't I live there • And make my home • In sweet surrender • I want to do so much more than remember • • Remember surrender • Remember peace • Remember how soundly you fell fast asleep • In the face of your troubles your future still shone like the morning sun • • Remember surrender • Remember that sound • Of all of those voices dying down • But one who speaks clearly of helping and healing you deep within • • I want to do that again • Why can't I live there • And make my home • In sweet surrender • I want to do so much more than remember • • Remember • Oh surrender • • I want to do that again • Oh why can't I live there and make my home • In sweet surrender • I want to do so much more than remember • • Remember • • Remember surrender • Remember the rest • Remember that weight lifting off of your chest • And realizing that it's not up to you and it never was • •

So I'm back at school. I tried to update once or twice from home but our internet connection there is too obnoxiously slow. Not much to say, I'm just trying to plow through until Thursday when my last presentation will be over and a friend and I will drive off to pick up Leah. It's going to be great.