I can now officially drink in any country I want to.

Just FYI I deleted the guestbook this afternoon because I'm sick and tired of it being filled with porn. I think anyone who comes here has pretty much learned to stay away from it so it wasn't much of a loss anyway. Sick people.

So once again time has flown by without so much of a word from me. A lot has happened in this past week, and so much of it excellent. Things like cell group, great speakers at Hillsong (including a Ukrainian with a great accent), fun hanging out with friends, a great gig last Saturday night which included the selling of many demos (YAY), and more hanging out. There's some new pictures up from the gig and from hanging out. Beside that I've been working on a couple papers all the bloody time. I can't wait to have these things done and have them in on Monday. I'm about 95% there which is excellent. I've never had such a hard time with a paper my whole life.

So tomorrow's the big day. That's right folks, it's the big 2-1 for Krystle. We'll be having a BBQ at a friend's house so I'm really pumped for that and I think it will be a pretty chill time. I know it's customary here to have speeches on your 21st so last night I was thinking about what I could say to everyone and I totally started tearing up as I lay in bed! Granted Josh Groban was also playing on my computer which is just BEAUTIFUL and emotion provoking...but still! I certainly didn't expect that. But what I realized is that I've met so many beautiful people here who have been so supportive of me and so unbelievably generous.

That is all for now. Hopefully I'll have great stories from this weekend and will actually take the TIME to put some of them up here. We can hope anyway.

Oh, and I've officially spent 1/4 of 2004 in Australia. WEIRD. How did this ever come about?

I just wanted to take the short moment I have to say that God is amazing and it's incredible how quickly he can take my self-absorbtion and completely turn it around. I'm so stoked for the things God is doing right now and the opportunities I have coming up. Just needed to say that. Hopefully more explanation sometime later when things aren't so hectic.

Nothing new is going on really, I'm just bored and feel like I might be able to get some stuff out here. Lately it's just been research and homework for me. Which really is fine considering how little work I've done this whole term. I don't mind sucking it up for the last couple weeks and putting in some hard core work on some papers. It's about time I had to do work. The only other thing of consequence happening is that I'm opening for my friend's band this Saturday which is quite exciting. I'm only going to get to play 3-4 songs but I'm still really stoked to perform and to see my friend's band as well. It's going to be a good night.

Lately I can't sleep. Well, I fall asleep eventually but it takes forever. Really I haven't been sleeping all that well for about a month, but this past week has been especially ridiculous. I had a couple bad nights when it was so bloody hot, and I haven't recovered since. I lay down, and no matter how tired I am I can't get comfortable, and my mind starts to swirl with all these thoughts and half of them don't even make sense. I think about uni and the papers I have to write, or about the gig on Saturday. I've thought about home tons. But I don't really miss it. I just think about it. Like target in my home town. Why in the world is a picture of target popping into my head? Or my grandma's front yard? Or my bedroom? Or my drive to work? I can't get these things out of my head, they're just relentless as soon as I lay down to go to sleep. And I've even tried putting on music to distract me, which normally works. But I caught myself last night thinking THROUGH the music and completely ignoring it. It was Sara Groves even. How one can ignore her music I'm not sure, but I was able to do it last night. I just want some rest. And I want to sleep through the night. I've woken up every morning sometime between six and seven every morning for the past month I think. And this comes after not being able to fall asleep until about 1am. Why am I waking up? Why can't I shut my mind off? Why does everything I think make absolutely no sense? I need rest Jesus.

How quickly time goes by and how little I write in here. My first inclination is to say "not much has happened" but that'd probably be a bit false. Seeming how I've been to an opera at the Sydney Opera House, a major album recording at Hills, and booked a trip to Cairns since my last blog, maybe those things are worth mentioning. Oh wait, I already did.

The opera was astounding. I saw The Barber of Seville and the whole production was entirely mind-blowing. The music was incredible, and the acting and set and lighting were so magnificent and backed the music up so well. I am a sucker for tenors, let me tell you, and it certainly helps that two of the main characters in the opera are tenors. Me gusta mucho. Quick side note - sometimes when I go to Circular Quay I get really excited because I find Spaniards tourists who are speaking in Spanish. Sadly I can hardly understand them as they're speaking so fast with a Spanish accent and my Spanish sucks at this point, but it still makes me excited. End side note.

I've been to a couple things at Hills this past week that have got me really pumped up. I went to Hillsong women for the first time ever last Thursday morning and it was excellent. Bobbie Houston is hilarious. She was telling all these stories about Joel and how he got dropped on his head and all these crazy other things. This girl who goes to Hillsong who's my age also played some songs before Bobbie got up to speak. Apparently she's gone platinum several times over in New Zealand (she's a Kiwi) and her album just came out in Oz recently. She has an awesome voice. Her name is Brooke Fraser, and I bet she has a website so you should check her out (i.e. I'm sure Mel will do this). I got her CD a few days ago at Target (oh Aussie Target you have redeemed yourself...for now) and it's pretty good. Not what I expected, but it's totally grown on me. Though I have to say the CD doesn't quite do her live voice justice. Seriously this girl is awesome, and so completely rooted in God. It's all very inspirational.

Next Hillsong excursion was the recording on Saturday night. To bring back a phrase from my past - it was off the hook. Seriously. Some of the slower songs on that album are amazing. The fast ones are a bit hard to get into as they're pretty much rock songs with worship lyrics, but they can be learned eventually. The whole time I was just so amazed at the hearts of the worship leaders and the people there. Hillsong is a church that is so seeking after God, it's pretty amazing. And He shows up there in incredible ways. After a couple months I'm a bit more "used" to things there; meaning, I'm no longer super distracted by the differences while I'm at church there. So it's been really awesome to be there and worship and seek God 'in the house.' Yeah, God is good.

Last topic, Cairns. Cairns is at the top of the east coast and it's basically this great rainforest/beach place that I'm sure will be hotter than hell but absolutely beautiful. And I'll get to see the Great Barrier Reef, which is such a privledge and something I'm so excited about. I'm definitely learning here that you need to get out and take opportunities. Granted these things are costing me some of my savings and I can't always live like this, but there are certainly times for adventure and this is one of them. I think my life is going to be characterized by more adventure from now on...at least I want it to be.

Now I feel like I must offer explanation as to what my non-serious song is about. The weather in Sydney has been a bit odd lately. Sunday it was gorgeous; I spent the day at the beach. Monday was absolutely weird with near rain but hot weather. Yesterday it poured all day, but Wednesday it didn't rain at all. BUT, it looked like it was about to rain any second the whole day. So, trying to be smart, I took my umbrella with me whenever I went out on Wednesday. I went to the library at Uni for a bit to do a little research, and it's common practice to leave your umbrellas at the entry of the library. There's also a sign posted that says in essence, "We aren't responsible if your umbrella gets stolen." Since it wasn't raining and since there were few people in the library as it's holidays at the moment, my umbrella was the only one at the entry. As I set it down I had this thought that it might not be there when I get back. But I decided I couldn't be bothered to carry it around with me everywhere.

Well, when I had finished what I was doing my worst fears had come true...my umbrella was gone! Luckily it wasn't raining so at least I didn't have to get soaked walking home. But really, who steals an umbrella from outside the library when it's not even raining?! It's not like there was any force of desperation driving them to lift my umbrella. Weird people. So now I have no umbrella, not to mention this was probably the coolest umbrella I've ever had. It was lime green. If I ever see anyone at with it at Uni I'm going to beat them up. So my "serious song" is actually about an umbrella. But not everyone has to know that.

October. That's just messed up. Time has certainly flown. I wrote a song yesterday, though it's not the song I've been meaning to write. This one just sort of happened. It seems serious, but it's not.

Goodbye

You gave me shelter from the rain

I let you be my canopy

I couldn't find you there today

I wonder where you could be

They stole you away

They stole you away

They stole you away from me

No one wants to take the blame

Say I must take responsibility

That's all fine, yeah it's okay

But others' actions can't be changed

They stole you away

They stole you away

They stole you away from me (2x)

I don't know if I'll see you again

But if I find you in the hand of another

Be sure I'll take a stand for you

I promise that I'll make things right

They stole you away

They stole you away

They stole you away from me (2x)

Sydney's weather is really confused right now. It looks like a miserable cold day, but then you step outside and it's like 26 degrees, which is nearly 80f. It's very odd. So I've had a pretty non-eventful last couple of days. I've been trying to organize things again since I've been back from Tassie. I went out to Manly beach a couple of days ago and did a little reading and work. Despite today's weather, it's definitely warming up here and I'm stoked for that. More trips out to the beach for me!

So Saturday morning I was hanging around getting some laundry done and cleaning up and someone buzzes my apartment. It was only like 9:30 or 10 so I was wondering who the heck would be coming by. Turned out it was Jehovah's Witness. So we talked for a couple minutes through the intercom then she ended up coming in and we had this almost hour long discussion. It was really interesting to see where we agreed and where we disagreed and it was also really challenging. I must admit I really admire the Jehovah's Witnesses for how well they know the word of God (though they misinterpret it) and how diligent they are to share their faith. So we ended up talking a bit about the trinity towards the end of our conversation because that's the main place where Jehovah's Witnesses differ from Christianity. It was somewhat frustrating how she could pull out scriptures to prove her point but I didn't know the ones to give in response to her just off the top of my head. I guess that's what happens when you're used to evangelizing and getting into discussions with Christians a lot. She gave me this pamphlet about the trinity and where the doctrine came from and basically why you shouldn't believe it. I haven't looked at it tons but what I have seen is pretty much a bunch of bull ha. I have been looking at Scriptures that do talk about the relationship between Father, Son, and Holy Spirit and talk about the deity of Christ. The deity of Christ is definitely vital. JW are missing a huge part there unfortunately.

I came up with a new chord progression the other night that I really like. It's nothing complicated but I really like the sound of it and the melody I came up with. I'm really pressing to try to write some words as I have a sense of urgency about this song. I feel like I have something important to say, but I'm not quite sure how to say it yet. I'm excited for it though. Hopefully something will come soon.

So that's all really, nothing too exciting going on here. I've felt a bit under the weather the last couple days so I've pretty much been confined to my apartment. I'm feeling better today though so hopefully I'll be up to something today. Sorry for no Tassie stories. Don't know if I'll get to those or not, it's just too hard to find consistent internet time.

Just a quick one to say I'm back from Tassie and had a really great time. Though I spent most of the trip on the go it was still so relaxing and so good to get away for a while. I'll try to get some stories up sometime this upcoming week, but it probably won't be much detail. Nothing beats live storytelling aided by pictures. I've posted a lot of pictures at the other blog, but I have about 100 from the trip so posting over there hardly makes a dent. Right now I'm still a bit exhausted, my room feels like a mess, and I'm catching up on laundry. My roommate left early this morning for Melbourne so I saw her for a total of five minutes when I came back yesterday and now I have the apartment to myself until Tuesday. It's pretty nice and a good way to ease back in to Sydney life. So check out the other site for some pictures and hopefully they'll be some stories up soon.

Today's the long awaited day. The day of my midsemester exam! No wait that's not right. Well, it is the day of my midsemester exam, but that's not what I've been waiting for. The point is, it's the last day of school and after today I don't have to go to class for two and a half weeks! This makes me very very happy. Actually it still hasn't hit me fully that after today I don't have to go to class and I have a minimal amount of work to do. Oh, then there's that fact that tomorrow I'm getting on a plane and flying to Tasmania. Right. Maybe I should pack for that. That's one of the goals for this afternoon. Of course it has to be a goal for today sometime, doesn't it. So I have my packing to do, a couple last minute things to buy if I can find them, and that test to tackle this evening. A-ma-zing. I've been here for a long time. I've been through seven weeks of school. The semester is half over. Half of my schooling experience in Australia is over. Absolutely insane.

So this blog is a bit of a goodbye and I should come back with plenty of stories. Whether they'll all make it on here I'm not sure...I haven't decided what mass means I want to tell stories by. Pray for me . Pray I'll be safe and smart and pray for boldness. I really want boldness. Less than four hours to freedom ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Hey I wanted to give a little shout-out to my pal Suzie Q. I'm sorry you're craving tim tam slams and are in a country that cannot provide them. I have a constant supply of tim tams at my apartment, it's quite excellent. Hmm now I kind of want one. Anyway, thanks for saying something, hope you're doing well and I'm stoked you've been reading here.

Well I might as well write about some other things while I'm here shouldn't I? Not a ton has been going on this week, just classes mixed with some hanging out. I got to hang out with Ali earlier this week which was really awesome. I hadn't seen her for a couple weeks so we hung out and played guitar a little bit and just talked. Sometimes it's good to just sit down with someone and have a good long talk. Some serious, some goofing around, some storytelling...It was a good mix. I also found out that the guy Tim I've been hanging out with actually knows Ali and a whole bunch of her friends. Only in Australia, seriously. Turns out I've met several people that Ali works with through Tim and one of his friends, and Tim knows people I've met through Ali. This country is way too small. I like it though.

Last night I went out to Manly with Tim and his bro and a few friends. We got some ice cream and walked down this path down by the beach. It was a nice night (though a little cold with ice cream) and it was good to be out of the apartment for a change. I've been feeling a bit cramped lately. Soon I will be on an airplane and far away from this place. I can't wait, Tassie I'm coming. I've heard it's very odd, I'm stoked to see it. One more week of school until break! Wooohooo I'm so stoked. I can't believe the semester is half over already. I just have to get through this paper and an exam on Thursday which shouldn't be too bad, then it's two weeks of fun for me! Tis all for now.

It almost snowed in Sydney yesterday. Really, I promise. Actually we just had the most amazing hail I've ever witnessed in my life. At my apartment we had about cm sized hail pouring for 15 minutes easily. The ground was completely covered and the power at the intersection by my place went out and cars were sliding all over. It was pretty nuts. But you know the cool thing was it actually put me in the best mood. I was emotional this weekend. Very emotional. It could definitely be classified as an emotional breakdown, possibly even multiple. But when that hail started yesterday it seriously put me in the best mood. It was really weird. Definitely God's grace to me at that moment. I think there's just something about childlike wonder...the fact that I was staring out the window for 20 minutes just watching lightning and hail and all the craziness. It was awesome. Aussies really like to call everything awesome I've noticed.

Yesteray I had this great Chinese dinner with one of my friends and his family and a few other friends. It was actually a potentially very awkward situation but it ended up being such a good time and such a great finish to my otherwise crap weekend. How bad is this, I ate almost an entire like 300 gram Cadbury chocolate bar this weekend. That's like binging man. That's how emotional I was. But today's been a lot better. And it was beautiful outside today, like hot. What's up with the weather, it's seriously skitzophrenic.

Today during my philosophy tut my lecturer called my idea a good one then proceeded to give me a list of books I could use for a paper on the topic. It was totally awesome. So I'm ditching another tut right now (for the third week in a row) and getting those sources at the library. And blogging. Yeah, I was really set to go to this tut today but I just couldn't do it in the end. Next week though. Really, I promise. No, I don't promise. I am such a slacker here...well at least a slacker for me. I've never ditched so much in my life, or not done so much reading. But seriously, none of this stuff is necessary. Or at least I hope not. Maybe I'll be kicking myself at the end of the term, but somehow I don't think so. Anyway I'm certainly over my 20 minute limit on this computer but no one keeps track so it doesn't really matter. One last word though, thanks God for hail storms and Chinese food with new friends and their family.

Oh dear it's about time isn't it. Actually I wanted to post yesterday but blogger was broken so I could not. But here I am. It's September. Does anyone else think that's weird? First of all, why have I been in school for a month and NOW it's September? I guess the weather is starting to look more appropriate for September, except we're supposed to have a high of 9 degrees today, which isn't very September-ish. I'm just very seasonally confused right now, not to mention when I date my lecture notes each day I feel like I'm skipping through the months because they put the day first instead of the month. Today is apparently the 9th of March. No that's not right is it.

Wow I'm not sure where that came from. Anyway, I haven't been up to much; nothing big anyway. Stuff for school has become a bit more demanding, though it's still not all that demanding. I handed in a paper yesterday which sounds impressive, but it's really not. I wouldn't call less than four pages a major accomplishment, though I certainly don't mind receiving easy assignments like that. I have a pretty big paper coming up in two weeks though and a 40% of my grade midterm as well, so the next two weeks are definitely going to be spent doing some work. Hopefully not too much though.

The theme for the past week and a half has been "slow down." For a while I was doing too much and it was totally catching up to me. This week has also marked a renewal of culture shock and missing home. So I've spent more time at home, have been getting to bed earlier (for the most part) and have been telling myself that I don't have to be doing things all the time. I've been hanging out a lot with the guy in my philosophy class that I mentioned on the last post. He's invited me along to a lot of things with his friends and I also went to church with him this past Sunday. He's a really nice guy and he's kinda taken me under his wing. He told me he's just going to keep inviting me to stuff but I should feel free to say no. He wants to make sure I'm okay and having a good time while I'm here in Australia. I appreciate all he's doing so much; he's been a huge blessing.

I don't think anything else is really going on. I've just been going to class (mostly) and doing homework and hanging out. Two more weeks of class until the break and I go to Tassie! I can't believe school's almost half over, but then again that has a nice ring to it doesn't it. That's all for now.

Well I figured I should update since it's been quite a while since I've done so. Things have gotten a bit more busy, though not a whole lot more. I'm not really sure what I was doing last week that prevented me from updating. Nothing I don't think. Anyway another week is gone and mainly it was a lot of schoolwork and those sorts of things. But I had an excellent day on Friday as I spent the whole day with Al. We went to the city for Harry's pies, then had some excellent chocolate and headed out to Bondi and walked along the beach. All and all a wonderful day, capped off with some excellent Mexican food. God bless fajitas, seriously. Australia needs to learn what black beans are though. Really, they're just little black beans folks. It's not that hard. They're so essential to fajita making. They were still good without them, but I did miss their presence in my little tortilla. Or should I say tortillas. I had three. I really liked them.

Yesterday Leah and I saw the Australian Chamber Orchestra at the Opera House and it was absolutely amazing. I seriously can't say anything beside that. We just walked out of there totally amazed and relaxed and just really content. I love going to things like that. I just wish they didn't cost $30. Which I guess really was quite a deal but not everything is that (relatively) inexpensive. Leah and I need to find a secret entrance into the Opera House so we can go there all the time for free. Note to self: find secret entrance.

After the Symphony we had some excellent gellato at the quay before catching the ferry back to Leah's. Soon we were off to church, which unfortunately I was somewhat falling asleep during. I haven't been sleeping very well lately, and I think the lack of sleep combined with the relaxing effects of the Symphony put me out. It was good though; it's good to be in the house of God and hear from God's word even when you don't necessarily feel like being there (or being awake).

Today was an interesting day. Last week I had just briefly met this guy in one of my classes at the Christian club meeting on campus. So today we hung out and talked a bit and it turns out we have heaps of stuff in common. So he came back here on our lunch break and we jammed and played guitars together and had a really good time. We're interested in the same types of music and knew a lot of the same stuff which made it pretty easy. He asked me to play some stuff and for whatever reason I did. Turns out he's in a band and he said if I ever want to open for them I could and it was just really cool to make a connection in that respect as well. He goes to church really close to campus so I think I'm going to check that out this Sunday and see how it goes. It's always good to make friends in classes as lectures can be a bit...wide open sometimes. Other than that, I skipped my history tut today which I think was a great decision. Maybe it really wasn't, but I'm fond of it. That's all for now.

I must say I had a lovely weekend. It was filled with things to do but not too filled. Things started off with Powerhouse at Hills on Friday night which was good. Maybe I should say interesting. I think I had Hillsong culture shock, it's a bit to get used to. An American guy spoke though and I totally forgot I was in Australia until a guy got up and said something after he spoke and I got really confused for a second. After Powerhouse there was a party which was a very good time. There's nothing better than a great party with lots of food, lollies (candy), and non-alcoholic drinks all for free! I got to meet some cool people as well which was really nice. I think I went to bed that night at 1am. Definitely my latest night here by far. Saturday I hung out and did a bit of homework, then I took the bus out to Chattie to meet up with Ali and her homies to drive out to her gig in Newtown. It was a good time and Ali did really well. There was also this amazing group there called Jenani. It's just these two girls but they're just incredible musicians and have a style all to themselves not to mention voices to die for. Plus one of them plays violin extremely well. Ahhh that was definitely my favorite part of the day. They played a long time so that made me happy.

Sunday morning I made the trek out to Leah's, which apparently can take 2 hours by public transport though she's only 20 minutes drive from me. But that's on Sunday with less routes going. I didn't care anyway, it was a nice trip out and a good chance to see some of the suburbs around here, not to mention that I love taking the ferry. I hung at her place for a few hours, then we headed out to her church where I played for worship team with her. I must say I love playing the drums and I miss being able to do it often. It expels a lot of energy, especially nervous energy that I would probably just spend figiting or biting my nails. So that was great and the service was just really good. I love Leah's church because people are really involved and take time to share with everyone what God is doing in their life and what prayer requests they have and all that. After church I went back home with Leah, where she made us extraordinary peanut butter and banana sandwiches. Leah was wonderful with her meals on Sunday, it was legendary. Not long after our meal we went to bed, then she brought me back here today on her way to uni.

I'd like to say as well that I have my most boring classes today but I decided to stick it out and go and it wasn't all that bad. Plus they're having this poster sale on campus right now and I got two great posters for $19! That's like $14US. A-ma-zing! One is black and has a bunch of Beatles album covers on it, and the other is this lovely picture of a boat with a small island in the background. In my short time here the picture of a single, small boat has come to have a lot of symbolic meaning, so I figured this picture would be perfect for my room. Not only is it beautiful, it reminds me of God's love and call on my life. Good stuff. Now it's time for me to stop typing. I've been on the internet a really long time, but it's been productive stuff so I guess that's okay. Stuff like planning my trip to Tassie. HOORAY!

Introducing http://pictureoz.blogspot.com, where you can view whatever photos I've uploaded to my computer and deemed worthy of the public eye.

I would like to say that I did something somewhat compulsive yesterday, but I'm thinking it was a good compulsive. I was checking out some tickets on virginblue.com because I've been trying to figure out what I'm going to do over my break in September. So I was cruising around, seeing if I could find any ridiculous deals somewhere, because Virginblue often does this. Well my friends, who bought a ticket to Tasmania yesterday. I'll give you a hint, she likes to sit in sandwich shops to gain free internet access. Yeah, so I bought a ticket to Tasmania yesterday for cheap as and I'm totally stoked! So today I'm going to the bookshop with pen and paper in hand and I'm going to take advantage of tourist books as if I was in a library. Good deal.

Can we say today is a new day? Yeah it definitely is. I think starting the day with a lovely mocha is the way to go. I treated myself to a muffin and mocha and the shopping centre today for breakfast. I have decided I'm going to do this once weekly as the muffins are great and it gives me a little something to look forward to. I got a Sheryl Crow compilation and the best of U2 1980-1990 for a reasonable price. Then it was off to uni for a philosophy tutorial, formal logic to be exact. Our convener for our tutorial is totally hilarious, I love that guy. Tuts are going to be really fun with him I think. Unfortunately he's only with us for the first half of the semester then we have another guy. I hope he's as cool as this first guy. So I had a lovely tutorial, after which I wandered around campus checking out the various booths that are set up this week. I found out for sure where the Christian club is meeting next week (couldn't find them yesterday) and talked to some people at the Hills booth for a while. I'm going to go to a cell group tonight run by one of the girls at the booth. While we were talking a friend from my complex came up and we all started talking about Hills and cell groups and blah blah. Long and short of it is that she's going to come tonight as well and she's a Christian and I didn't know it! But looking back it very much makes sense that she is. You can see it in her actions and the way she carries herself.

So anyway, here I am, great music to listen to, a bit of work to do, mobile phone finally working again after I sucked it up and bought a charger, and I have bible study ahead of me tonight. What else could a girl ask for? Okay well I guess if they had fresh baked cookies at this bible study that would be about the most I could ask for. Or tim tam slams. But lets not go too far with our dreaming.

Sandwich shop. These people are probably tired of me sitting here without giving them any money. I did get a mocha the other day though. And let me just say, coffee is so much better here. Aussies are so high maintenance with their drinks and it pays off.

Anyway. So we (I guess just "I") had breakdown number 2 1/2 today. I add that 1/2 because the other day I sorta had half of one before I had my whole one. Oddly enough it came for a lot of the same reasons the first one did, having to do with missing and event and feeling abandoned and alone. Imagine that, flying to another country than feeling alone sometimes. Baffling, I know. But seriously, life will be fine, but after a while I just can't take being alone anymore. I need some friends. I need to meet people. Heck, I need a venue to meet people, and I don't want it to be the pub. Answer this, why does it seem like every single time I try to do something that's going to put me with other Christians the possibilities just get smashed. Honestly, tell me it's an attack, because if it's not I'm just going to be pissed off. I can deal with an attack, at least that means something good is happening. But I don't want this to be some sick kind of game. Let's keep bringing Krystle to a breaking point. That's really not cool with me, and I'm not going to be able to handle that. It's just too much heartache.

So I spent the afternoon in my room really not doing anything because I was too emotionally drained. Luckily I can afford that because I don't have very much work to do. But really I'd rather be doing work than sitting there feeling horrible. I know it's going to pass, and I know tomorrow's a new day. God's mercy has so completely been new each morning I've been here, and I'm entirely grateful for that. I just hate these days. And I hate going through them alone and not even having anyone to bounce this stuff off of. I'm tired of listening just to my own thoughts all day long. I just hate days like these. I don't long to be somewhere else really. I don't find myself wanting to pack up and go home, I just don't want to feel like this.

I don't want to be all complaining either but I just needed to get this out. God's really using this time to do major reconstruction on my heart and I'm glad for that, it just goes along with some hard times. Hopefully in another week or two things will start to get easier. Maybe not easier, but better somehow. So I guess I'll try to figure out what I'm going to do the rest of the night. Maybe drown my sorrows in some more Tim Tams. They're good for that.