I would just like to say that I love daylight savings. Except I just realized now I'm an hour off Mel again. Dang.

I really wish I was as good about writing here as I used to be. Or as good as I was way back in the d-x days, that was amazing. Of course I think I had a lot more angst then (or something) but it was so helpful. It was so helpful to have some catharsis and just figure out where I was at. Right now I feel like a chicken running around with my head cut off all the time. And the times that I'm not running around I was to be NOT thinking about the times that I am running around. Seriously, whoever thought it would be okay to be this busy in college should be shot. I wish I had the time to just let myself dwell on what I've been questioning and learning. I'm only taking 13 units this semester (two real classes pretty much) and I already have enough to think on. Next semester is going to be insane. I just want to process.

In my worldviews class we're talking about salvation. We've already talked about non-ultimate reality and human existence. Both those things were interesting enough. But now we're talking about salvation and I'm thinking "what is salvation anyway?" As a Christian I'm not sure if I'm supposed to be asking that question. What I mean is...shouldn't I already know the answer. Funny that I might think I do, but I really don't. I don't think salvation is just a fire escape, I don't think it's just "leading a happy life," I don't think it's running around doing all this crazy stuff like a good Christian woman, I don't think it's being super disciplined. I don't know what it is. There are different elements. I'm just working through that.

I've also been reading heaps of Russian history this past week which has been so interesting. I am so thankful I was not born in Russia, seriously. I'm only reading about the revolutions of 1917 and that's seriously enough. What a crazy year. Protests in the streets all the times, people arming themselves and overthrowing the government, starvation, economic crisis...it's total insanity. Not to mention I also have a ton of Marxist theory floating around in my head. I think it's mainly crap, but it has got me thinking about capitalism and how screwed up it is. In some ways I think the Christian view of economics should be like the Marxist...except believing in God and absolute truths and all that. But Christians should definitely see the oppression of the capitalist system. We cannot shut our eyes to the majority of people in this world that are being crushed by a western capitalist system.

Oh that's just the tip of the iceberg folks, but I don't have any more time to write. My parents are coming out tomorrow morning and I'm really excited. I'm going to be old soon.

Good weekend. GOOD weekend. It was so nice to get away and see something beside my small apartment or campus. It was a bit more driving than I would care to do, but still it was well worth it.

I had a great time hanging out with the family yesterday. I always come away from my time with them feeling...something. I don't know what it is. It's a good feeling...I think it's good just in the fact that is is a feeling. Being with them forces me to feel...love, anger, compassion, longing...all in different ways at different times. God uses them to reconnect me with my heart I think. I feel like I've lost a lot of feeling recently and I actually went into the weekend feeling rather lost. It was good to pull back and regain some footing.

I love the times that I get to talk with my cousins. There at that great age gap where they're young, but they're substantially older than me. It's this mutual respect where they see me as an adult, but at the same time see me as their little cousin that they want to take care of. I love it. And I absolutely love how honest they are with me. They are most often far more honest with me than I am with them, even with spiritual things. My non-Christian cousin said she could totally see me working at a church in charge of music. I could learn something from that.

I really went into this post with something more to say. I was going to talk about yesterday then hit on something else, and I can't even remember what that is now. Probably indicative of how little sleep I've gotten this weekend. That's definitely the one bad thing about going out of town. More later if I ever remember.

This has been the longest week. THE longest. Not to say there weren't good parts, because there were (see last post) but it's just been long. I seriously can't believe my last post was only three days ago. It seems like years. Still, the events of that day have me excited. I'm pondering classes to take in the absence of Spanish, and I've already met with my co-leader and hashed out some planning responsibilities/scheduling etc. It's all a bit hectic but it's also amazing.

So right now I feel like I'm on cloud nine because this week (and all the assignments it contained) are over and I can finally just relax. I'm headed to southtown tonight to hang out with the fam down there for part of the weekend. I can't wait to be away from school and just have fun. Not that I don't like it here, things are really going great, but you just need a change of scenery.

I've been thinking about God some recently (yeah imagine that) and I've just been having a hard time wrapping my head around him...for obvious reasons. I think now that I'm back in philosophy mode I've turned into a nut case again. I think it's mostly a good thing but sometimes I just get a bit too mental and I just need to calm down and rest in the fact that God is God and I am his child. It's as simple as that. But so completely not simple at the same time.

Today I was thinking about this summer (this is actually while I was trying to pray ha) and going to Russia and then getting back and maybe applying for jobs. This was not a new thought for me. This is something I've thought about multiple times for the last several months. But for whatever reason, it pretty much freaked me out really for the first time. Finding a job. Moving away. I know I'm already moved away now but this is moving for a job. Like a career where I settle somewhere for a while and establish a new community and don't necessarily go home all the time for holidays and actually have to take care of myself. Whoa there. A little freaky, but also exciting. Still, I'm glad that these things are months away.

And now I'm ten minutes closer to getting on the road. Damn so cal traffic.

Today has pretty much been the best, at least within the realm of possibility for the day. First, the monstrous quiz I was supposed to have this morning was postponed. This is both good and bad because now I have to worry about it later, but it's still pretty amazing. Next I took my Spanish placement test. That's right, I'm a senior in college and I still haven't dealt with my foreign language requirement. The original plan was to study the summer after I graduated high school, take the CLEP and get credit for all of it. Needless to say, that did not happen. So here I am in my seventh semester of college trying to recall my Spanish skills from like three years ago. Oh dear. So I take the test this morning and I feel pretty good about it. The proctor graded it right away, and it turns out I was one question shy of testing out of not one (as I'd planned) but two semesters! We talked a little, she asked me why I'd waited so long, how much Spanish I'd taken before, and decided to wave the whole thing anyway! Talk about grace, I was so amazed. God answers prayers folks. I've seriously been praying that God would grant me favor with whoever proctored the test and that they would be merciful with me. This was totally beyond what I expected.

As if that's not good enough, there's more!

After I got out of my wonderful placement test, I see that I've just missed a call and have a message. The caller id was blocked, which meant that it was the call I've been expecting since yesterday: the call to determine my fate for the summer. To make the morning complete, I'M GOING BACK TO RUSSIA NEXT JUNE! I'm still not completely sure what I've gotten myself into but I'm so glad to just know things for certain and to be able to look ahead. Already we have all kinds of stuff to do this week which is slightly stressful now with a postponed quiz and big paper due on Friday, but ah well. How am I helping myself with that now? By doing nothing. I made an outline for my paper, that has to count for something. Actually, that was my goal for today but it's a pretty slack outline and didn't take as long as I thought it would...probably because it's so slack.

So, all of that before noon! Things have been pretty non eventful since then, but I'm not sure if I could take much more excitement in one day. Of course I wouldn't mind if it happened.

To continue the thoughts of my last post for just a second, that night we had even BETTER weather. Starting at about 11 there was thunder and lightening, and then at 3am it was just nuts and I thought our house was going to fall down. Then the whole next day it was cloudy but warm and humid and there were scattered electrical storms. It was so amazing. Now we're back to sun sun sun. So boring, and the fires are starting which is always awful on a number of levels.

Basic update: things are great. I enjoy some classes, choir is awesome, internship is awesome...everything is great. Right now I'm just trying to enjoy life as it comes. Last week in chapel I heard probably one of the most influential messages I've ever heard in my life (at least it could be) and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. John Piper spoke on God's love and the glory of God. Basically it really challenged me in the way I looked at God and myself and how I relate to him. If you want to check it out (which I seriously recommend) go to http://www.apu.edu/chapel/calendar/fall/ and then click on John Piper.

Now my "real reason" for posting. Last night I went to the current play my school has running. A girl from choir who's a good friend of many of my good friends was a lead in it, which in a cast of four people is a pretty substantial part. The play is called "Dinner with Friends." Basically it's all about marriage. There are these two couples that are really good friends and have spent tons of time investing in each other, and one of the men decides to have an affair because he feels trapped and constricted in his marriage. So it basically revolves around the aftermath of that and how they all interact with each other and all change. So you get to see one hideous marriage that's falling apart, and then a strong marriage that also has it's problems, but they stick things out and work through them. It was amazing. Amazing acting, amazing story line. I cried multiple times. After it was over all I wanted to do was call up my parents and thank them for not getting a divorce. Not that I think my parents were ever about to get a divorce, but just to thank them generally. Actually, I don't really understand my parents' marriage. I mean, I guess you can't understand someone else's marriage anyway, but my parents' has always intruiged me. But I do know that they love each other and have loved each other for over 30 years, and that's pretty dang amazing. So the play scared the crap out of me about marriage on one hand, but in some small ways made me look forward to it. But much more about the scared part.