I bought men's shorts today, and I was unashamed. Unfortunately, the cell phone did not come with them. They're charcoal gray.

Ok, so I'm not seeing innumerable comments about our beautiful picture. What gives people?

Here's today in list format:

got up at 9, having just missed a call from andre
call andre back
talk to mel
bum around way too long
eat lunch
college shopping with mom
hours of reading up on meniere's
dinner
watched A's lose
closet crying with mel (not literally in the closet of course)

Somehow in the midst of all that excitement I didn't find the time to blog until now.

Now isn't this the best picture you've ever seen. Don't be afraid to leave innumerable comments about our beauty.

I've been struggling with quite a bit of loneliness the last couple days. I'm not really surprised about it, seeming how I had to say goodbye to a really good friend a couple of days ago. There are large parts of the day that feel perfectly normal. I wake up when I want, eat breakfast when I'm hungry, bum around a bit more and take a shower. But there are just times when I feel like I need someone to be here, in person. Times like now. Times that aren't really triggered by anything specific, just accompanied by a feeling that I'm alone.

I know I'm not alone, but that doesn't keep me from feeling lonely. I can't even count the number of times I've asked Him why. Why can't I see Him? Why can't He physically be here? I know He's here, but the physicality of it all is missing. Times like these I wish I had more of a longing. Ever go through those times when you know you should be with Him, but at the same time it's the last thing you'd want to do? Somehow I try to convince myself that I'd be settling to do so, that He should be the last resort and that I should seek something real. He's reality though, isn't He? Isn't He? There are times when I know He is so blatantly trying to get me alone with Himself, to spend time with Him, to seek Him, to draw from Him, to learn to love Him.

It's like I can spend each day wishing I had that intimacy with Him, ignoring the fact that at the same time He's calling me to it, just waiting for me. Then I realize that sometimes it just scares me out of my mind.

That was a little heavier wasn't it.

I am now the proud owner of my very own checking account. I feel so old and responsible, two things which I definitely don't consider myself. However, I need an address for my checks, and my school isn't informing the freshman of their box numbers until August 15th. How hard is it to assign a box number? They think August 15th is early? That's like two weeks before school starts! A little more notice would be nice, you know, in case someone wants a checking account or something like that.

See that thing over there on the left that says "mission"? I'm not really succeeding at that. Last night I couldn't fall asleep because I was thinking of all the things that could go wrong with my classes this fall. Four weeks from now I'll be moved into my dorm and starting my first day of choir camp. I think I also had a dream about getting lost on campus. Or maybe I just imagined it really well. I know, I know "be anxious about nothing..." It's just been hard to do lately. Unfortunately it's taking its toll on my sleep quantity.

Note to self: Never design a bass drum petal which requires a drum key to adjust. If you make the enormous mistake of doing so, make sure you do not put and screws in places which are too small to put a drum key.


Stupid petal.

Can't say that I haven't been to a church where people speak in tongues anymore. Not that it's a bad thing. New experiences are good. Things at the 80s church got exciting today.

Sing to the Lord, you saints of his; praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.

You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.
Pslam 30:4-5, 11-12


God really hit me with those verses last night as I sat in my room, recovering from a pretty good cry. I woke up this morning, and I was rejoicing. I'm stoked to go to church, even if it probably will remind me of Mel. I'm not quite sure how I'm going to be out the door in half an hour, but that's beside the point! Shoot I'd better run ha.

Funny how one's stomach can feel so inclined to make all kinds strange noises for one week, then stop suddenly once my company has left. Figures. I knew it would work out that way. Its strange noises did provide great entertainment though, so I suppose I'm grateful for that.

I'm still getting used to writing here. Maybe if I type a blog up somewhere else (Word for example) then paste it on here I will feel more comfortable. Maybe it's just something I'll just get used to.

How's that on a scale of one to ten? It's a fifteen!!!! Whooooooo! *cheesy thumbs up*

This is a shout out to my pal Mel because she's going to be the first one to see this. Lucky Mel, you're so loved. I still have some spacing issues (notice how this text is a million miles down here?) but beside that everything's finally working! Yay for figuring out blogger by myself!