I fought myself to get out of bed this morning. It was 9:30, and part of me wanted to get up and go to church, but most of me did not. Finally church won out though, and I made it to the 80s church as they were starting the first song. I got to see a friend there that I haven't seen since this summer, so it was cool to catch up and hear about how she's been. She's been in Phoenix doing Master's Commission. Church was alright. Honestly I don't remember too much about it, except that the sermon was on getting a good report. I could expand but I'm not going to, because I'm much more excited about this afternoon and tonight than this morning.

In the middle of last week my pastor called me up and told me that I was it for church sunday night, because the person who was going to lead couldn't come afterall. I was fine with that. In fact, I was already planning on helping her out anyway, since she isn't a normal worship leader at the church. So, I got to church today at about 2:45, feeling a bit nervous about the whole thing. Yesterday I had been so excited, but today I mostly felt ill. All afternoon my stomach churned. I prayed, but it didn't seem to help much. Once we got going though, everything was fine. We eneded up with a "coffeeshop" band, meaning I was on acoustic guitar, then there was a keyboard, bass, and various percussion and hand drums. It rocked. It's so much easier to organize with four instruments rather than 100. Ok, slight exaggeration, but everything was so tight and so simple, it was great. It definitely made it a lot easier for my first time leading worship with a band.

The service was great. I forgot how fun it is to lead worship. I haven't done it since high school really, so to be in that position again was a cool thing. I definitely think more about what I'm singing when I'm leading. You'd think it wouldn't be that way, because it's so easy to get distracted with all the logistics. But in reality, it focuses me on what we're saying, because I'm leading a bunch of people in worship. I need to examine myself and check my motives when I'm up there, and I need to genuinely worship. So overall it was loads of fun, and a huge challenge from God all at the same time. I think in some ways too it was a bit of confirmation about what I'm thinking of studying in school. I'm majoring in music, and have been thinking for a while about emphasizing in church music. Leading tonight renewed a bit of that passion in me, and I'm excited to see what God does with it.

It came to my attention tonight that Christmas (in its true meaning) represents the most ridiculous events ever to happen on earth. Picture this: Almighty, all powerful, all knowing God as a human. Does that seem ridiculous to anyone else? God, who was before us, created the entire universe, and holds all things together as a man. A little tiny human being. And it's not like he came down as a man. He was a baby. A helpless baby. He couldn't speak, he couldn't eat on his own, he couldn't walk or crawl. How does God, who at one moment is running the vast expanses of the universe suddenly trade that in to be a helpless baby on the speck called earth? Like I said, it's ridiculous.

I played golf today for the first time in probably over a year. Since my junior year of high school I think I've played maybe 3 times. My dad took me out to a private course that his company did some work for. The course is closed to the public (it costs a fortune to join - six figures), but he can get on sometimes on monday's because it's maintenance day. We played holes 4-9, then played 11 and 12 and finished out on 3. We didn't have a score card, so it was a great chance to just relax and have a good time together. I hadn't seen the course since it was completed (it was just built this year) so it was amazing to see the finished product. The place is gorgeous, and the afternoon was worth it for the views alone.

And that's all I did today. It's a beautiful thing. I caught myself thinking last night, "Oh no the weekend's almost over." Then I realized that today would be no different than the weekend. Christmas break is a beautiful thing.

I am so mad. I just wrote the longest blog I've written in so long. And it was meaningful and asked questions. ARGH. It was about God even. He's probably not appreciating the angry thoughts running through my head right now. I even pressed copy before I tried to post it just in case. Did that work? NO.

We did not lose power. It rained like a mother this morning and early afternoon, but our power stayed on the whole time. Now we're supposed to get snow flurries tonight. I hope the ground is white when I wake up. It's snowed her twice in my lifetime. Now, when I say snow I'm talking about two inches of it that actually hit the ground and stuck. I live in California alright? I am in northern CA so it's colder up here, but snow is very unusual, especially when your town is only 98ft above sea level.

On a completely different note, I passed all my classes! And I kept my scholarship! So I was only about 0.05 something away from the cut of, but who cares I still made it! Three point freaking 75 is quite difficult for college, and for only $4,000 dollars I don't know why they make the requirements so hard. Straight A's in high school is nothing like a 3.75 in college.

I've been thinking a lot today about all sorts of different things. The last 24 hours or so I've been thinking a lot about the friends I have an how extremely amazing they are. I know the most incredible, beautiful people. When I really sit down and think about it, I cannot believe all the things that God has done in these people's lives and how intricately and wonderfully He has made them. It sounds cheesy, but honestly there are no words to describe what I see when I look at them. And I know God sees even more than that and has even more love than that, and it completely blows me away. I've been thinking about other things too; where I'm at with God mostly. I was thinking about back in the day when things were so tight with God, when I could literally just spend the entire day (or close to it) in His presence. I never realized how hard that was, and how much discipline it requires. Funny how you grow up and become more mature, but become less mature in other things. You'd think that as I got older it would be easier to be disciplined, but it's only become more difficult. I'm hoping to start a new pattern over break, but thus far haven't been too successful. I feel God's call today though, that little voice He has a tendancy to use some times. It's been a while since I've felt that ever-so-slight longing. Maybe I should listen.

Can we all pray that the storm that's supposed to hit my area tomorrow is not as bad as the previous one and that my house does not lose power again? That was really not fun.

Today was a nice day. Besides the fact that my alarm went off at 7:46. Just the fact that I had to get up to an alarm was hard enough, but an alarm at that hour was painful. From there the day was nice though. Some members of my graduating class are back from school, and our govt/econ teacher asked us to speak to this year's seniors about college life. We got to talk to each class for half an hour, which was really cool. The four of us were pretty good friends with a lot of people in that class so it was cool to see them and get to talk about what our life has been like the past four months or so.

Between classes we had several hours to kill so we went out to lunch at Lyon's then hung around at one of my friend's house. It's so different to hang out with high school friends now. The whole time we were together (well besides the times we were goofing off) we were talking about school. We don't really have similar experiences anymore, just vague similarities. So we shared stories, compared experiences, and had a good time catching up. One of my friends was upset about this. At one point during lunch she said, "Ok, let's not talk about school." I answered quietly, "There isn't really anything else to talk about." To a certain extent that was true, and she knew it. She just didn't want it to be that way. I'm alright with it, because as much as I love them I wasn't as close to anyone as she was. Quite frankly, I feel like I have closer friends after 4 months of college than after 4 years of high school. I definitely have more history with my high school friends and I love them dearly, but I've found a completely different level of friendship away at school.

I guess you just feel torn when you're at home. You have an old life here, your family is here, and your old friends from high school are here. But your current life is all...well...there. It's hard to explain unless you've been there before. But, I'm still enjoying the time at home. And I can't wait to see them all again when I go back to school for chapel tomorrow.

I've been home since thursday night, and if you don't count today then I think more of my time at home has been spent without electricity than with it. Needless to say it's been a weird couple of days. Things are looking pretty nice today though. We have our power back (came back last night at 3am, after over 24 hours without it), the sun is shining, and I just made myself some lunch. We have a kitchen. It's so nice to have a kitchen where you can make yourself lunch. Ahhh the things you take for granted until you live in a dorm.

My plans for my break consist of sleep, hang out, watch tv, get ahead in some classwork, write songs, play guitar, work out, and spend some serious time with God. The last four haven't really happened yet. I have three more weeks though, they'll get done for sure.

If there's a song that makes you want to get on your knees it's this one.

Remember Surrender
Sara Groves

Remember surrender • Remember the rest • Remember that weight lifting off of your chest • And realizing that it's not up to you and it never was • • Remember surrender • Remember relief • Remember how tears rolled down both of your cheeks • As the warmth of a heavenly father came closing in • • I want to do that again • Why can't I live there • And make my home • In sweet surrender • I want to do so much more than remember • • Remember surrender • Remember peace • Remember how soundly you fell fast asleep • In the face of your troubles your future still shone like the morning sun • • Remember surrender • Remember that sound • Of all of those voices dying down • But one who speaks clearly of helping and healing you deep within • • I want to do that again • Why can't I live there • And make my home • In sweet surrender • I want to do so much more than remember • • Remember • Oh surrender • • I want to do that again • Oh why can't I live there and make my home • In sweet surrender • I want to do so much more than remember • • Remember • • Remember surrender • Remember the rest • Remember that weight lifting off of your chest • And realizing that it's not up to you and it never was • •

So I'm back at school. I tried to update once or twice from home but our internet connection there is too obnoxiously slow. Not much to say, I'm just trying to plow through until Thursday when my last presentation will be over and a friend and I will drive off to pick up Leah. It's going to be great.