The weekend is over already? I can't believe it. Actually Friday seems like a million years ago. I think I'm living in some weird kind of time warp. Fifteen interviews down, nine to go. We can do this. Three Italian pages to learn before my lesson tomorrow...not going to happen. Maybe my teacher will forget he assigned it to me, sometimes this happens. I'm not thinking it will tomorrow.

I had a good talk with God yesterday. Actually mainly I just talked to him. But it was to him, not at him. That's how I've felt lately. I felt honest. It's not that I haven't been honest with him lately, I just felt like I was able to sort through some things with him. It was like starting over in a lot of ways. I think my theology class semester is really going to screw me up. Lord help me.

Commence chaos: now.

I'm at this weird place right now. I just saw an intense movie so that's not really helpful, but maybe it is. I've been in this place for a few weeks or maybe a month or maybe a little bit longer. Maybe it's that I'm taking philosophy again, I'm not sure. It's like I'm leading this dual life, except I know I'm not because they are connecting, just not in the way I'd like them to. I'd like them to connect in terms of being reconciled, but they are not reconciled. See, I'm taking this worldviews class and it's just making me think through things. And it's not as though I'm doubting God at all, because I'm totally not. He is there and real and I want to serve Him for the rest of my life. And I want to know him personally as a subject, not objectively. I want to know HIM, not characteristics or theology or just facts. Because just the facts can be made up. I think that's what I'm starting to get at...my faith could just be another one of those worldviews that seems to be at least as coherent (if not more) than Christianity. But if I've experienced it, if I know Him...really know him, not just say I know him than it's more than just a theory, it's more than just a religion, it's more than just a projection we made up because we want something greater than us to affirm us (thanks Feuerbach).

I am just scratching the surface. I hope something is going on. I don't feel like I ever have enough time to work through these things. Life is too busy, I have to write papers, go to meetings. And soon (though not soon enough) the semester will be over along with my class and maybe my questions too. I don't want to go through life glossing over things. I want to go through life wrestling things and living and breathing and really feeling.

On a different note, I realized today that I'll be ordering a cap and gown and graduation announcements pretty shortly. I've thought about graduation and life after and jobs, but yet not about these practical things. It was weird.