I just saw someone that I haven't seen for over eight months as I was walking back to my place from my last class. She was sitting on the lawn talking to someone, and I looked, looked twice, then looked a third time. By the second glance she had seen me too, so I was hoping if it was who I thought it was, that she would recognize me as well. And it was her - my RD from last year. I doubt I ever mentioned her, but she was a really large help especially first semester last year when my grandfather died. She and my RA were there when my mom called me and told me the news, and she (Jamie) held me while I sat on my dorm room floor and just bawled. They both helped me decide what I should do about going home (whether I should fly out that night or the next morning) and they both told me they'd do whatever necessary to help me. They left me alone for a while and I worked things out with my plane ticket, then I went down to my RD's, where she let me play guitar and hang out by myself for a while. She even had to leave for a meeting a bit later, but she let me stay in her place by myself and chill so I wouldn't have to face anyone. She drove me to the airport the next morning, and when I got back we talked many times about how things were going with me and with my family.

Needless to say, it was great to see her today. We haven't had contact for a long time so there was so much to talk about there was almost nothing to talk about. She did get my email though, and I'm going to be on her update list. She and her husband are leaving for South Africa next week and will be there for 10-11 months. I got to tell her that things are going well, I'm feeling well, and that my family is doing well. Mostly it was just good to be with her, even for just a brief moment. We didn't really have to see anything, it was enough to exchange a few words and see her face. So that was the bright spot in my day, if not my week. If you think of it, pray for Jamie and her husband Dave. They have a long trip ahead of them.

Last night was awesome. I went to church, had a good chat with Leah on the phone, and to top it off I watched the Two Towers with one of my roommates. She's trying to get me caught up so that we can all go see Return of the King together, so on Friday night we watched the first one, and last night we watched the second. Those movies are so good. Tolkien had so much imagination to come up with those things. It was really perfect too, because I started reading the Hobbit on my flight back here last weekend, so a lot of things made sense in the beginning that might not have made sense otherwise.

If you've seen the movies you know there's this nasty guy named Gollum (Frodo calls him by his hobbit name but I can't remember what that is right now). Gollum had the ring before Bilbo and Frodo got it, and it practically destoyed him. So, Gollum is living in turmoil because he wants to serve Frodo, but he also wants the ring. There are several scenes where Gollum is arguing with himself whether he should obey his master or kill him and get the ring. There's one scene in particular though that is totally amazing. This is the scene where Gollum actually tells the "other" part of him, the part that wants the ring, to leave. And it does leave. Now, this isn't a climactic part of the movie by any means, but in that scene out of all the three hours of the movie I found myself crying. Why? I could identify with his plight. We go through spiritual battles in much of the same way. There have been tons of times where I've argued internally, trying to distinguish between Satan's lies and the truth of God. I think that's what Tolkien was going for too.

It's Sunday. You know what that means? It means my roommates and I get to listen to music blaring outside our window until about 4pm. Why don't we just ask them to turn the music down? Why don't we just talk to our RA? We can't, because the music isn't coming from someone on campus. It's from the flea market next door. And there isn't a dang thing we can do about it.

That actually is one of the benefits to going to church in the morning, because you'll miss several hours of the 80s/latin music blast. Unfortunately I've discovered that I just don't do well at morning services. I can go to one, sure, but why do it when I can go to church in the evening and be so much more awake and aware. Unfortunately that leaves me sitting here in my room listening to the bassline of who knows what horrible song. It's kind of like that game Name that Tune on crack.

All my classes turned out to be alright. I'm not sure there are any I particularly love but none of them are horrible either, so it'll work out ok. A lot of them are actually just continuations of what I took last semester. Yesterday I read the entire book of Luke as an assignment for one of my classes. Funny how that worked out. I guess I was meant to read it one way or another. That's one class that could turn out to be cool, now that I think about it. It's called Luke/Acts, but everyone I've talked to has always had a lame prof for that class so they haven't really liked it. You end up thinking it's going to be so cool but you come out dissappointed. Well, I had my first go at in on Wenesday (it's a once a week evening class) and I thought it was pretty cool. I have a bunch of friends in the class, the prof is really nice, and I really thought what we learned was interesting. To top things off the class is going to be an hour shorter every week because he has to drive to Irvine to teach somewhere else. That leaves me with a great dinner break before lab.

I'm taking a class called History of Modern Philosophy. Several times yesterday I found myself wishing I was taking Ancient instead of Modern so that I could relate it to Biblical times and see what kinds of thinking were prominent during Jesus' day and the times that the New Testament was written. Maybe another semester if I have time for it. Anyway, I am excited about this class, even if it is a lot of history. Normally I have a really hard time relating history to my life in any way, but I feel like this class is so relevant because I can see how philosophies have shaped peoples' thinking today. It's funny when you finally see a foundation for a certain way you think and you ask "Do I just think this way because I've been told to all my life?" I haven't been in the class long enough to give a bunch of examples, though we did go over a few things Friday. I'm sure as they come up I'll have to express my thoughts somewhere though.

I'm going to San Diego next weekend, Mel's coming the next, my parents are coming the next. All I have to do is get through this week and it's on to good times. Thank goodness.

I'm almost through my first week of classes. It's left me exhausted, and it wasn't even a full week. It's not really more trying than last semester was, I'm just not used to the grind yet. Thankfully we have a three day weekend coming up, and several of my classes on Tuesday are cancelled. That should make for another easy week.

I've had a lot of mixed feelings about being back here. In some respects it's really awesome. It's so much fun to see friends and hang out and laugh and have a good time. I didn't even realize how much I missed chapel either...just the time set aside to worship and hear the Word. Going to church at home just once a week is such a change, especially when I'm on the worship team all the time. I love playing for church, but sometimes it's so hard to really focus on God during those times.

But there are other times that I really don't want to be here. Maybe it's the pressure, maybe it's the grind, maybe it's the fact that I have to take responsibility for so many things again. Who wants to wash dishes? I miss the dishwasher and having the washer and dryer right in our house. I miss seeing my family every day. But I think I mostly miss the escape from problems and pressures that exist here. I want life to be easy- to be a vacation. But I can't live that way forever. I'm kind of caught in that reality right now...not really wanting to let go but knowing I have to. I'm facing that fact that when I'm not doing anything I often feel worthless, like a slacker, undisciplined. I have this need to perform, to do, which I can't explain. Well I could explain it to you, but I don't want to. Here it is in a nutshell: I've been suceeding my whole life. It's all I know. Sometimes I'm afraid to fail, and I think I put a lot more of my worth into that than I realize...at least with some things.

Though abrupt I'm going to stop there. I think I'm semi-braindead from all the activity this week. Praise God I only have one class tomorrow, then I'm free for three days.

Wow. I'm way behind. And I don't really have the time right now to do much catch up because I have a voice lesson in 45 minutes and my hair is still soaking wet. So let's just do a quick summary.

Spent a large portion of my break working at the music store.
Hard times struck when a guitar teacher from the store passed away suddenly. (funeral was yesterday)
Got a $50 bonus on my last paycheck because one of my bosses just likes me. No complaints.
Had a great time hanging out with my family, and the goodbyes were tough even though I know I'll see them in a month.
Arrived back at school Saturday afternoon, still with mixed feelings about being here.
Went to a new church last night and saw Mel's former roommate Karen.
Went bowling with friends that were totally out of control.
Came back and found a bunch of people at our place watching Mulan.
Watched Mulan for the second night in a row.
That brings us to today. Thus far I've showered and eaten breakfast, and it's already past noon. We're lazy here sometimes.