ARRRRRRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Just had to let out a frustrated yell into cyberspace. Really, everything is great.

Welcome to 2006. It will probably be the most crazy, eventful, interesting year of my life to date. High expectations? Yes, but no. I think it's just the nature of the beast. One very full semester, two overseas excursions to plan and undertake, graduating from college, looking for (and hopefully finding) a job...I don't know how it could not be crazy. For the most part I'm looking forward to it.

I have lots of stuff on my mind tonight, but I don't have the coherency to explain it. I've been thinking about the American church, real Christianity, my own life, "full-time ministry" (whatever the hell that really is) and other things. Wondering if I even know what Christianity is. Wondering how I could ever get a job at a church. Wondering how I can snap out of the deadness I already feel toward a profession I haven't even started.

I'm frustrated. I'm inspired. I'm curious. I'm excited. I'm scared. But at least I feel something. I never want to keep from feeling, to be dead. I've been there and I hate it. I fear the apathy much more than I fear the questions.