Leaving it Behind

Welcome to 2006. It will probably be the most crazy, eventful, interesting year of my life to date. High expectations? Yes, but no. I think it's just the nature of the beast. One very full semester, two overseas excursions to plan and undertake, graduating from college, looking for (and hopefully finding) a job...I don't know how it could not be crazy. For the most part I'm looking forward to it.

I have lots of stuff on my mind tonight, but I don't have the coherency to explain it. I've been thinking about the American church, real Christianity, my own life, "full-time ministry" (whatever the hell that really is) and other things. Wondering if I even know what Christianity is. Wondering how I could ever get a job at a church. Wondering how I can snap out of the deadness I already feel toward a profession I haven't even started.

I'm frustrated. I'm inspired. I'm curious. I'm excited. I'm scared. But at least I feel something. I never want to keep from feeling, to be dead. I've been there and I hate it. I fear the apathy much more than I fear the questions.