family

I have had a strange mix of feelings tonight. Joy and sadness and longing all mixed together. Home group was wonderful. I always enjoy every one's company so much, and the baby girls are absolutely adorable. Adelaide was going super crazy during the end of the evening since it was way past her bed time. She kept bouncing between her dad and me, never staying with one of us for more than a few seconds. That kid is the cutest thing I've seen - ever. No exaggerations. This group is breaking down my baby inhibitions. Then it was ultimate frisbee. When we took a break at the end I stood there and watched another married couple playing soccer with their two year old boy. It was dark, but I could see their shadow. Husband and wife, mom and dad and son all playing together. Mom is quite pregnant, but still totally gorgeous. Full of life and beauty. There was so much beauty that I saw today. Families (loving ones) are little miracles. It was so much fun to be around. But at the same time it was so hard. So hard because it can feel so isolating. That is something I intensely desire but do not have right now. And when I'm honest with myself I know I'm so young and I definitely don't want to be married with kids right now. But it is something I want, badly. It's hard to be patient. I think it's even harder to believe that it will actually happen. It can be so hard to trust. Sometimes I feel like I'm already so far behind. I know it's not true. There's so many other things I want to do first. But will I miss my chance? I've just got that longing right now.