confession

It is one of those nights where I don't want to go to bed because I feel like I've got something to say, but really I have no clue what's on my mind. So I go to all the old stand-bys. You know how there are those familiar nooks and crannies that you run to for safety? I feel like I have been searching some of those places out even though I know they will not satisfy. Last night I was able to stave myself off. Well, actually I'd say that God very graciously enabled me to do so. But my question is, how do I move out of damage control mode when I get to this place? How do I keep myself from despair? I don't know what I need. Heck, I don't even know what I want. So how am I supposed to move forward from here? Yeah, I know, go to bed before I get even more exhausted...I know that's part of the problem.

Sometimes I think that you're capable of fixing everything; that if I were just with you I'd be okay. But I know that's not true. And I worry about what kind of damage that does to us when I put you in that place because I know it's not healthy. I haven't felt this way in a long time. I guess it's the danger that comes along with getting close to someone.

I miss touch. Period. That sentence took me five minutes to write.