growth - or, what the hell is a quiet time?

I realized something important this week. It's not something that came overnight, nor is it something that's come to full fruition in my life. Still, this was progress. Here it is:

Well, let me back up a little.

This past weekend, on a bit of a whim, I emailed a missions organization asking for more information. It wasn't really that weird of a thing for me to do. I've been interested in missions and church planting for several years, and I feel like I'm just starting to get to a place timing-wise where it would be okay for me to start that process. Anyway, I emailed. Now, when I do something - anything - automatically there is a chain reaction that takes place in my mind in which I picture 1,000 different scenarios about what could happen. One of the many scenes that played out in my head was the first phone call (something I've actually done before, though with a different organization).

Okay, so in this hypothetical phone conversation this is what I learned about myself: I know I'm not perfect, and I'm okay with that. Further, it is better for me to be honest and forthright about my shortcomings and areas of struggle, because missions agencies know (probably better than anyone) that people aren't perfect! In fact, it's probably most reassuring and shows more maturity on my part that I'm realistic about where I'm at - strengths and weaknesses alike. I don't have to be super spiritual person that has amazing quiet times (what the hell does that even mean?) every morning without fail. Sure, I need to be spiritually and emotionally mature, but mature does not equal perfect.

This is a huge jump from where I was when I was coming up on graduation two years ago. I think the couple of interviews I did then would have been a lot better if I had felt more free to be honest about myself rather than trying to be who I thought the interviewer wanted me to be.

Oh, growth. You will never cease to be a part of my life (thank God).