pieces of me

The last 9 days have felt like a year. It's been really good in a lot of ways, just kind of hard too. I think God's got a lot to teach me right now and I'm actually in a place where I'm willing and open to learn. I haven't felt this way in years. Let me give you a sampling.

From an email to a friend:

Temptation is always going to be there, so it's all about what I do with it when it comes up. In those moments I have to say NO to my flesh and YES to the truth of God. I was reading a couple days ago in Romans 8 and it says, "The mind of the sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace." The end of that verse has been running through my head a lot: life and peace, life and peace, life and peace. I will claim it, trusting that God's Spirit is in me, granting it.

It is so good to know that God is making me into the person He wants me to be and that He is helping me to become more open and honest with myself and others - really, that He is teaching me to love in a more perfect way. I think that if I concentrate on that and allow God to do His work in me, then one day that person is going to come along and God will have done (and will still be doing) the work in me to make me capable of connection with that person and loving them in the way he has called me to. When I think of it that way I don't want to rush into anything; I am satisfied knowing that he is at work in me. Unfortunately those moments never tend to last more than 15 minutes ha.

In the midst of brokenness and confusion I have had to come to God in ways that I have not in years. And somehow, miraculously, I have experienced His presence and comfort in ways I have long yearned for but could not attain. I don't know why it's happening now. All I know is that it's not my doing and that I'm thankful (and I'm hoping it doesn't end).