hello August

Oh how the time flies...yet at the same time doesn't fly at all.

It's been a mixture of full and not so full these last few weeks. I had a great time in Hawaii with the fam. There's nothing like getting up after 9 hours of sleep, hitting the pool, reading by the pool, napping by the pool, eating by the pool...you get the picture. It was a great mix of relaxation and activity. My dad and I got to play golf for [almost] free at the resort course where the green fees are typically about $200. We also went on a kayak/snorkel tour that was a lot of fun and probably the best snorkeling I've done in Hawaii.

So overall, really great, but I was also looking forward to getting home. Two days later the flu hit. Yeah, that was really fun. Nothing like getting the stomach flu for the second time in 6 months. I'd better not get the flu again for the next decade because I've had more than my fill.

After getting sick I've been struggling to enter into a routine again. I'm house-sitting now, which is always a great change of pace, though isn't really an adaptation back to the 'normal.' Still, change is welcome because I'm bored out of my mind right now. Before I left for Hawaii I was telling people about this recent revelation I'd had about God's provision. I think I'll write it again to share with whoever might chance upon this blog (though honestly I write to remind myself more than anyone else). I was thinking about how normally I've viewed God's provision mostly in terms of the physical. I guess I'd thought of the emotional aspect too - the comfort and peace of the spirit, courage, faith, etc. But I'd never really thought of intellectual provision. What I mean is, I realized that God cares about my intellectual and emotional health and how those things relate to one another. I'm a person that likes to be challenged and likes to think, and I think God cares about my mental stimulation. So in the midst of boredom and needing a change I have to believe that God is going to provide for that. It might not be in the timing I would like, but I think it's on His radar and He cares. So that's given me some comfort in the midst of a strange time.

I started reading Mike Yaconelli's Messy Spirituality two days ago. People have mentioned it to me a couple times in the past few months, and when a friend mentioned it late last week I latched onto the idea that I must read that book. Now. Namely because I feel like I've been so up and down and all over the place. It's so frustrating. Though it seems that that's actually the way it goes for just about everyone. Seriously, about 75% of the time I couldn't answer the question, "Why do you believe?" except to say, "I believe because there is something in me which continually causes me to believe." I know I'm in this for the long haul. I know, deep down in the very depths of who I am, that this is true in some universally cosmic way. But I don't always know what that means in the midst of day to day life. In fact, I seldom know what it means in the midst of day to day life. I think (I hope) that somehow my feeble efforts to do what is right and loving God is in the midst of it. The way of Jesus is beautiful, but I don't find myself thinking about it all that often. But maybe (and Yaconelli's friend suggested) that maybe all my thinking (and writing?) about God actually is prayer. Actually, someone told me something very similar to that just a few weeks ago. I was telling her about a couple things I'd realized lately (a few different things about God's provision), and then she asked me about my prayer life later in the conversation. I told her about the helter skelterness of it all...basically made my dissatisfaction known. And she basically said, I think everything you said before about seeing God at work in your life was prayer. Prayer happened as you saw and recognized those things. Man, I hope she's right. Maybe I'm not as lost as I think I am.