Leaving it Behind

This morning in one of my classes we talked about transitions and change, and the steps we need to take to deal with them. It was really off-the-wall, because we had two different examples on completely different ends of the scale. The first was quitting biting your nails, and the second was death. Mostly though, my professor was giving us these steps for the process of spiritual change, though they apply in different ways to any kind of change.

Managing Transitions
1. Identify who's losing what
2. Accept the reality and importance of subjective losses
3. Don't be surprised at "overreaction" (on your part)
4. Acknowledge losses openly/sympathetically
5. Expect and accept signs of grief
6. Compensate for the loses


At that point we started discussing what compensation would look like in different situations. With the fingernail biting as an example he said that you might find something else to chew on, like a toothpick. Then someone raised their hand (and if they hadn't I would have to ask the same thing) and asked "Well what about death. How do you compensate for that?" Our professor asked the rest of class what their thoughts were. One girl raised her hand and said there was no way to compensate completely, but the hope that they're in a better place helps. I raised my hand and said, "What if they're not?" My professor answered that (thank God). He talked about the fact that it will change our desires and behaviors toward other people. Basically he talked about the ways which someone will change personally in that situation, and how their desire will increase to have that never happen again. But then he stuck out his hand and said, "But that part is way out here, and it only comes after the whole process and the grief." In the midst of his speaking tears were welling in my eyes. There were two separate times during that class that I almost stood up and left, scared that I was going to lose my composure. Somehow I managed to hold the tears back though, and he continued with his lecture. He asked me, "Do you have any more questions Krystle, anything to add?" I did, but I said no. I didn't want to. I would have lost it. Beside, it would have turned into a private counseling session in a 30-something person class had I done so.

7. Repeatedly give people information (I liked this one a lot)
8. Define what's over and what isn't (I did not like this)
9. Mark the endings (have some kind of tangible evidence. I have donald duck for that)
10. Treat the past with respect
11. Let people take a piece of the old with them.
12. Show how endings ensure continuity of what really matters.

Number 11 hit me pretty hard as well. Your change affects everyone around you, and they almost have to grieve that too. Obviously it's not as severe a loss, but change is difficult. It sucks it has to be that way.

So, it was a pretty heavy morning. I didn't like it too much.