Leaving it Behind

Today was a very interesting day. The most interesting part of it being the fact that I got to eat lunch with Miriam, her Pastor Jim, and Nick. I haven't seen Miriam for over a year and a half. The last time we hung out was at Jen Knapp's show on the Back 40 tour. Those were the days, back when Jen had her own tour...and a website. That was nice.

Last night at the last minute I changed my mind and decided to set my alarm for my 7:30 piano class. That was the right decision. Things went really well at piano today. That was actually due to a lot of BS and luck on my classmates part, but that's ok! Just so long as the teacher thought we did well this week, that's what our grade is about! She asked us to play some pieces together (that none of us knew), so everyone was playing one hand. But, some people were playing the right and some were playing the left, so it sounded like we were all getting the notes. It was great. She was so proud of us. If she only knew. Poor woman.

I realized this afternoon I have all my homework done up through Wednesday. I guess that's what happens when you work all weekend long. That's alright though, it makes me feel better about myself. I hate feeling like I haven't accomplished anything. It makes me feel stupid.

So lately I've been in this really depressed mood. It rather sucks. Actually it's pretty much pervaded everything since October 9th, but the past week or two has been especially weird. The first couple weeks I was sad for a reason, and now...I don't know. Obviously I'm still sad for a reason, but it's different. It's depressing. It's not fun. Yet I'm pretty content staying in it. I don't know if I don't think I deserve better, if I think I shouldn't feel better, or if I just don't - period. I've had second thoughts about staying here for next semester, only to realize that I'd probably be miserable at home and miss everyone back here. I feel like I'm in a lose-lose situation. Sometimes I think if I could just go home all these problems and all the sadness would dissappear, but that's not true. What's a girl to do.