Leaving it Behind

It's been a bittersweet day. A lot of it has been so great. I went to my high school and stayed there for several hours this afternoon. I got to talk with a lot of my teachers and spend time talking to a lot of my peers too. I found out who is and who probably is going to my school next year, and it was great to talk with those people and give them advice and try to convince them that they should go to my school for sure. One girl knows she's going and she's got a spot on the soccer team. She was so excited. She's a great girl, I don't know her that well but it will be really cool to have her around next year. There are three other guys that will probably come as well. I told them all they could come over to my place whenever they wanted and I'd make them dinner. It's so cool that people I know from home will be there next year, because when I came this year there was no one that I knew from home there.

So, it was great to see everyone. But it was also really hard. It's hard to see people and know you're missing out on their lives. It was crazy to spend time with the senior class and remember what it was like when my class was all together. We were so close, and now we're all so far away from each other. I've never really been torn up about it as I wasn't super close to anyone, but it's just crazy what time will do. It's all a part of growing up I guess. And lately I've been really torn about leaving home, learning who you are, becoming and adult, etc.

I got to catch up with my favorite teacher. We went out and talked at Starbucks for an hour and a half after her teacher's meeting. I love this woman. I could always go to her in high school whenever I needed to talk. She's really upbeat and funny, but also so willing to listen and give good, godly advice. I realized today how much I miss her. I was telling her how I miss having that semi-adult figure that I can go to and ask questions to, talk to, and just goof around with. I've been thinking a lot about mentoring relationships the past couple weeks, and today's events put it on my mind again. I had a killer conversation with a senior girl at my school last week. I really want to know what she's going to be doing next year. She's the kind of person I'd love to meet with regularly and have a relationship with, but I don't see how that could happen since she's graduating in two weeks. I just feel like I need that kind of accountability, challenge, and vision from someone who is older than me. I'm establishing a good base of friends at school, but I'm not sure how highly I hold their advice. That's not to say they're all completely immature or something, we're just all peers. We're all experiencing the same things right now, so none of us has the upper hand on anyone. I'd love to spend time with someone who's been there, someone who can help me and give me advice, as well as challenge me.

And I realized this afternoon that I want to be able to do the same thing for people. I want to affect people's lives. I want to invest in someone, be there for them, speak into their life, and be challenged by them in ways they'd never even guess. I want to give myself to people in that way. I want to encourage other people, and hopefully help them out a bit by giving perspective. Looking over the way this teacher has affected me really blew me away this afternoon. My peers let me direct this afternoon in band since our band director wasn't at school today. They were just going to have different students direct the songs, but they let me because...I don't know...they like me or something. Or maybe it's because I'm studying music. Anyway, I'm obviously not an expert, but it was a cool experience. And ya know, it was a position of leadership. I had the floor, and I had the opportunity to challenge, encourage, and interact with those guys. And I loved it.

I hope I never become so self absorbed that I shut myself off from meaningful relationships with other people. We're here for a reason, and I want to get everything I can from the people I know, and in return give everything I've learned and everything I am back to others. Lord grant me the perspective, patience, and energy to do that.