Leaving it Behind

I would like to take this opportunity to say that the newest Caedmon's Call album Back Home is completely amazing. I got it several months ago, but never really listened to it a lot because I had bought some other new CDs at the same time. Generally it takes me a while to get into a cd as well, so that didn't really help. While I was in Australia we listened to it a few times and I thought, "Wow, that's pretty good." Well, I'd forgotten about that until this weekend when I pulled it out again, and I'm completely blown away. The one thing that bothers me though is how alomst none of the songs are by them. Granted they're awesome songs, but one of my favorite parts about listening to music is seeing the piece of the person's heart who wrote it. So I guess I still get a portion of a person's heart, it's just not the person who's singing it. But it's not like it's impossible to take a song and make it your own, especially when we're talking about God's character, life, love, and other things of that nature.

It's been a random week. It started out pretty bad, but got better eventually. Thursday actually turned out to be a really good day to my surprise. My immediate responce was "Ok who was praying for me today?" Joan suggested it was Jesus. Yes, that's quite true. He's got that intercessory thing down I reckon.

I've come to the conclusion over the last week or two that I'm so not ready to get married for many, many reasons. There are the obvious ones like I'm young, I'm still in school, and there's still so much I want to do before I get "tied down." That's not to say I don't want to get married, I just don't want to right now. But along with knowing I don't want to, I also realize I'm not ready too. The past couple weeks I've seen how deficient I can be in my relationships in general, and a marriage relationship is an even stronger and more important one. If I can't treat my friends the way I'm called to treat them all the time, how in the world am I going to treat my husband? I'm so not ready for that kind of commitment or unconditional love.

I'm also realizing I totally don't have the relationship with God someone should have before they get married. That's not to say you need to have everything together before you get married, but I guess I'm just figuring out I'm not as mature as I thought I was. I can be so hot and cold...so non-commital, and that's a really bad trait in general. Until my love for God is 100% commited and not so based on emotion (though it should involve emotion) there's no way I'm ready to get married. I think I owe that to my spouse (as well as to God!). Anyway, that's my random tanget for the day, even though it's not so random to me because I've been thinking about it for a while.

I guess that's enough for now. Maybe I'll get back to my paper and write another paragraph or so. Only two pages (or less) to go!