Leaving it Behind

Have I really grown up here? Did I really think this is normal? I've been to a Whole Foods/organic store twice since I've been home. I actually really like Whole Foods but it's too expensive so I'd never regularly shop there. Anyway. I realize Whole Foods is a chain, but still. How many people can I see with dreads walking around Whole Foods? And how many political bumper stickers can I see in one 20 minute drive (because it is a 20-30 minute drive EVERYWHERE). And get this, I started doing yoga last week (no not because I want to worship Satan, I want to be more flexible…make that less inflexible) and seriously EVERYWHERE I go I keep seeing these yoga kit things that have a mat and a tape and this band/rope thing that you can use. I saw it at the bookstore, at two different Target's and I saw it today at the grocery store! This is not normal! And my favorite...the ladies in black. They stand on the corner downtown (yeah, downtown really only has 1 corner) and protest violence every Friday. They wear black. I think this week I saw something about not liking Bush too. But that's practically nor cal's motto.

It's not really weirding me out. Don't get me wrong. I'm not in freak out mode, because this is still home and still somewhat normal to me. You can't undo 16+ years of living here. But I guess the longer I'm away the more I realize how this place really is. You know what else I'm really noticing more than ever - the warfare up here. I know I've also made joking comments about witches and wicca and all kinds of crap going on up here, and I've been aware of that for a long time. But beyond all the really reeeeally out there stuff I'm really aware for the first time about what a spiritually thirsty this place is. Now some people are straight up atheists, but there are tons and tons of people looking for a spiritual experience. Just look at all the yoga mats for sale. Geez. But I've also started to view that in a new way as I consider my own faith. And sadly enough I've found myself thinking about the principles of postmodernism that we talked about in my Luke/Acts class...which I HATED. HATED HATED HATED. I cannot tell you enough. And what's funnier is that I wasn't even there the day we talked about postmodernism! But my roommate and I had a really good acronym for the test to remember that one so I still remember it.

The four principles were mystery, experience, significance, and relationship. So our prof (when I wasn't there) talked about postmodernists longing for each of these things, and made the point that Christianity also has these things to offer. While I was somewhat upset at his seemingly flippant summary of postmodernism, the guy really had a point and I see it now. I'm seeing it firsthand now. Mystery. Christianity is SO full of mystery. So much paradox, so many questions, so much stuff I can't and never will understand. Why did God even bother with all of us? I have no clue. What is God really? I'll never know his fullness. Experience. Man oh maaaaaaaaaaaaan. The fundamentalist in me totally wants to crush this one. "God is not an experience. You can't base you faith on experience. You must be obedient, live a Holy life." Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. Yes I know obedience and holy living are crucial. Faith without works is dead. But a person living without grace will soon be dead also I think. Or at least lying on the floor in a heap wondering how in the heck they're going to do all the "work for God" they're supposed to do. Slight tangent, sorry. Enough on that one. Significance. Everyone's longing for it. People want to make an impact, whether it's a good one or a bad one. People are attention hungry. People want to do something that's lasting, something that's outside of themselves. People search for it in all sorts of things - people, work, drugs, sex, business, volunteering, some kind of cause (i.e. impeach bush bumper stickers)...all sorts of things. Relationship. Ok that's pretty self-explanatory I think; I won't go into that one.

Christianity offers all these things. Do you realize that? Maybe you're way ahead of me and you already knew that and you're thinking, "Krystle, why are you assuming I'm dumb. And I don't live in hippie nor cal. Why didn't you stop five paragraphs ago?" But I don't think you're thinking that. At least I hope not. So I'm thinking, if I'm in this area of spiritually hungry, politically interested, organic food eating, Bush protesting society, I'd better learn to be down to earth. I'd better learn that it's not apologetics that's going to convert people. It's talking about God as a REAL, ACTING being, and talking about Jesus as a REAL, LIVING person that has made and makes a DAILY impact in my life. I'd better start talking about him like a person I know, someone who cares for me, someone who I care really deeply about. And I'd better stop being concerned about whether I sound like an idiot or not, because that keeps me from being honest. And a lot of times an honest, "I don't know" sounds way better than some polished apologetic theological BS.

So that's me, a week and two days after being home. I think good old nor cal has something for me the next two months, and I've got something for it too. By the way, a lot of this sudden burst of thinking is also inspired by a book I got Saturday called Blue like Jazz by Donald Miller. Definitely the most unusual book I've ever read, but it's phenomenal. I started it Saturday and finally put it down 50 pages later. This guy has such an unpolished writing style, yet he says everything he wants to say in an unapologetic, honest, and extremely profound way. It's also hilarious. I finally stopped on page 87, now I’m two chapters beyond that. I predict I'll finish it in a few days. It's that good. Check out this guy's writing style.

“At the time I was attending this large church in the suburbs. It was like going to church at the Gap. I don't know why I went there. I didn't fit. I had a few friends, though, very nice people, and when I told them I wanted to audit classes at Reed they looked at me as if I wanted to date Satan. One friend sat me down and told me all about the place, how they have a three-day festival at the end of the year in which they run around naked. She said some of the students probably use drugs. She told me God did not want me to attend Reed College.”

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“The first day of school was exhilarating. It was better than high school. Reed had ashtrays, and everybody said cusswords.”

How funny is that? And his chapters have subtitles like "Sexy Carrot" and "Penguin Sex." Ok I'm really trying to play the curiosity card at this point. Honestly though, this book is amazing. You should read it.