Leaving it Behind

Sandwich shop. These people are probably tired of me sitting here without giving them any money. I did get a mocha the other day though. And let me just say, coffee is so much better here. Aussies are so high maintenance with their drinks and it pays off.

Anyway. So we (I guess just "I") had breakdown number 2 1/2 today. I add that 1/2 because the other day I sorta had half of one before I had my whole one. Oddly enough it came for a lot of the same reasons the first one did, having to do with missing and event and feeling abandoned and alone. Imagine that, flying to another country than feeling alone sometimes. Baffling, I know. But seriously, life will be fine, but after a while I just can't take being alone anymore. I need some friends. I need to meet people. Heck, I need a venue to meet people, and I don't want it to be the pub. Answer this, why does it seem like every single time I try to do something that's going to put me with other Christians the possibilities just get smashed. Honestly, tell me it's an attack, because if it's not I'm just going to be pissed off. I can deal with an attack, at least that means something good is happening. But I don't want this to be some sick kind of game. Let's keep bringing Krystle to a breaking point. That's really not cool with me, and I'm not going to be able to handle that. It's just too much heartache.

So I spent the afternoon in my room really not doing anything because I was too emotionally drained. Luckily I can afford that because I don't have very much work to do. But really I'd rather be doing work than sitting there feeling horrible. I know it's going to pass, and I know tomorrow's a new day. God's mercy has so completely been new each morning I've been here, and I'm entirely grateful for that. I just hate these days. And I hate going through them alone and not even having anyone to bounce this stuff off of. I'm tired of listening just to my own thoughts all day long. I just hate days like these. I don't long to be somewhere else really. I don't find myself wanting to pack up and go home, I just don't want to feel like this.

I don't want to be all complaining either but I just needed to get this out. God's really using this time to do major reconstruction on my heart and I'm glad for that, it just goes along with some hard times. Hopefully in another week or two things will start to get easier. Maybe not easier, but better somehow. So I guess I'll try to figure out what I'm going to do the rest of the night. Maybe drown my sorrows in some more Tim Tams. They're good for that.