This has been on my mind recently. Found out on Friday night. I've played at Paradise Found several times. I attended this woman's church on and off for about a year during high school. I sat next to her daughter Shawna every time I went. Seems like some sick twist of fate. The type of person she was always trying to help is what killed her. I don't understand why.

It's been two weeks at home. Feels like much longer. Actually just this last week has felt like an eternity, which is especially odd seeming how I was working all week. Every day just seems really long. I guess I shouldn't mind that right now though.

Been thinking about timing lately. Things are really odd in that department at the moment. Basically if I had just graduated this year I could have two jobs that I'd absolutely love right now. I could be living here in this county, close to my family, stay and work at my home church, and still have excellent discounts at the store. But I haven't graduated. Instead, my church is interviewing people for a worship director position, my job at the store remains just for this summer, and I have no clue where I'm going to be a year from now. Makes me wonder if this is all on purpose because it would be too easy. If it all happened at the right time I don't think there'd be any way I would pass it up. Maybe this is the only way I can. I don't know.

My birthday is in October. That puts me on the older end of my class. It doesn't make me way older or anything, but I could have made the cut for the class ahead of me. My parents actually tested me out for kindergarten that year when I was four. Turns out I wasn't ready. But on many occasions I've wondered what would have happened if I'd started school that year. Many things would have remained the same, but so much would have changed. Just different friends means a lot. Would I be who I am? Would I even be in this boat now? I don't even know.

All this questioning however is not really due to any bitterness on my part. It's more a curiosity. I really don't know what's up right now. I don't know how the next year is going to pan out. I don't know if I'll be staying here or changing states or changing countries. It's just odd. But odd is very much the way God seems to work in my life. Nothing really comes about plainly. Seems like God has to set up a long succession of miracles for anything to happen in my life. Not anything, but you know. Maybe you don't. The friends I have, the way I met them, the places I've been...so many things, so many stories - all of them ridiculous. This has a small twinge of ridiculous to it. I'm hoping one of these days the surprise ending is going to come into view on this one.

New topic. I am exhausted. Who would have thought that working 4-6 hours six days in a row could make me this tired. I don't think I even felt this tired at school. It's like 10:30 and I'm dying here. My whole family has gone to bed. I've been getting to bed early, but I keep waking up in the wee hours of the morning. I fall back asleep but am plagued with strange dreams and friends and family and Russia. Many of them have to do with Russia. Sometimes I don't really remember anything but the gist of the dream when I wake up, but I feel like I have to spend the first hour I'm awake shaking off what didn't really happen. I don't want to be restless anymore. I want to get a solid night's sleep. I want to wake up to my alarm in the morning and have not been awake 20 minutes earlier.

At this moment everything about Russia pretty much freaks me out or stresses me out. I think that's just the stage I'm at. Yes, there are things that could go wrong and preparations to be made and all that. But worry? Do not worry about anything. Let the peace of God rule your hearts and minds. Those are commands. So right now I live in sin. And it's probably an attack. Obviously temptation...that I'm not really fighting. Attack mixed with some hormones I'm sure. I'd really like some peace. And don't even get me started about things at home. That's another can of worms.

Today marks full day number three back at home. It's been nice to relax and just have nothing to do for a while. I'm unpacked, though I still have some boxes laying around my room, and spent some time cleaning yesterday. I pretty much feel like whenever I come home I just have to get rid of a bunch of stuff because I always accumulate more. Lately it's been good things like books though. So there's a lot of clearing old things from my childhood off the shelves and putting up all the books I've accumulated...some due to my interest and a few due to the bookstore not taking them back. Thankfully most fall in the former category.

So, family dynamics can always be a bit interesting especially since we're in a bit of a family dilemma right now. This dilemma does not involve me however and I think it would be best if I just kept my nose out of it and my comments to myself unless they are positive. I don't have many of those presently so I'll just be keeping my mouth shut. So the days of strength and self-control have begun. I'm trying to view my time here at home as something substantial and important, not just as in-between time. This isn't between school years (even thought it is). This isn't even before and after Russia (though it is). Can I believe that God has things to accomplish and lessons to teach me and miracles to work during this time? Do I believe that his power will be made manifest during this time? Do I believe in his capacity to heal and make things new? I was reading Ephesians 1 today. Paul prays for the Ephesians that they would know the power of God working for them, which is the same power which raised Christ from the dead and set him at the right hand of God above all powers and authorities. That power is working for me. That's a lot of power. Maybe I should trust God a little more.

Fund raising for Russia is over. Yet again God came through big time. Saw my deficit go from about $1600 to $85 in two weeks. Craziness. God's good and has taught me a new lesson in trust. He's done this whole thing in the most upside-down, First Corinthians chapter one sort of way. The foolishness of God shaming my wisdom. It's incredibly humbling watching families who you know are struggling give sacrificially, and the people that are doctors and brain surgeons surprisingly remain silent. Not by might but by my spirit says the Lord. I can't be trusting in the power of man.

So I'm off to work in a few to try to secure a job for the summer. Same music store, many of the same people, probably the same random jobs. I'm hoping things will be a little more regular than they were last summer. Really, I'd love to work tons because I know I'm going to be spending a lot this summer going to Russia. We'll see how it goes.

A rant about worship music might be coming in the future. Then again, any prediction I ever make here never comes true, unless it's a prediction that I won't update. Maybe I've prove myself wrong this time. Peace.

One piece of momentously joyous news: school is over for the next four months.

I have officially been called on to fulfill one of my responsibilities as an American citizen. That's right folks, this girl's been called for jury duty the week of the 30th. I'm hoping the fact that I'm leaving the country less than two weeks later will be enough to eliminate me from the whole thing. Despite the inconvenience I'm glad the government had the courtesy to refrain from calling upon me until they granted me the right to drink alcohol. Though somehow I'm thinking that was just a coincidence.

It's finals week. In seven days I'll be basking in the glory of nor cal once again. Everyone's starting to move stuff out and it's a little freaky. Don't have any tests until Wednesday, so today's been a little bit of studying, then I'll really buckle down tomorrow. Finals week is always weird. There's nothing to do...except study. I've never seen so many of my friends on AIM at once, it's very funny.

God provides in ways beyond what we we expect or imagine. That's all that's on my mind right now.

Whoops it's kinda been a while. As I predicted though I never did update from home. And that's not at all because I was busy, because I wasn't. I spent most of the week relaxing and sleeping and watching tv. I got some homework done too, but nothing too complex. Had a great time seeing the fam and the rolling green hills of nor cal. I always forget how beautiful it is there.

This past week has been a load of stress trying to finish up a term paper, only to find out it wasn't really due yesterday. It was, but it wasn't. Basically my prof doesn't care when you turn anything in and will still give you full credit. Since finding that out I've been as happy as a lark. Last night was a vocal competition on campus. Fifteen singers, about 6 original songs. I went second to last. Made for a bit of a nervous night but it was tons of fun. It was so good to play with a band and just get up there and do my thing. Had a guy who does recording with his roommate walk up to me and give me his card and tell me he liked my style. I feel inspired (yet again) to start writing music and performing. I've been slack on both, and now unfortunately I'll only be down here for one more month so I couldn't really get any gigs. Next fall I'm going to have to hit places up right away. Doesn't mean I can't start writing new stuff right now though! Hung out with some friends afterward, watched a funny movie that was meant to be serious, and ate great homemade cheesecake. Definitely one of my favorite nights in a long time.

I also got to talk to one of my friends from Oz on the phone yesterday afternoon. First time I've heard her voice in almost four months. The accent was a bit strong. It was so good to just hear her and be able to talk with her, even at times when I didn't have anything to say. I miss the people there a lot. I found out another one of my friends will be coming out here later this year, and yet another should be able to come out within the next year. I can't wait to see these people.

That's all for now. Probably the worst post I've ever written but I'm just exhausted today. Probably has something to do with my extreme lack of sleep this weekend...and the gas that's leaking into my apartment...

Today is the day. That glorious day. The day I go home. Four hours from now I'll be leaving here on a jet plane. Bless the Lord. This day has been much too slow in coming.

With that said, it's been a good few days I have to say. Spent Wednesday hanging out with Mel which was awesome. Much too short a time, but I'll take anything I can get. I definitely ditched all my classes for that. Then that night I ended up hanging out with one of my roommates and two other friends/acquaintances (they're more her friends) which was great. We were talking for ages, then one of them said she had a craving for ice cream. So we tried to go to Foster's Freeze but it was closed, so we went to Wendy's and got frosties. Quite an excellent evening of unexpected fun. Yesterday was lax. My one real class was cancelled, so I did random things during the day, had choir, then went to a jazz concert at CSU Fullerton. Allen Vizzutti was a guest artist, and he is freaking amazing. He's one of the most talented, versatile trumpeters out there right now. I obviously only heard him play jazz last night, but he's also huge on the classical scene, not to mention a funny guy. Before a set of songs he was going to do with the CSUF band, he took out a picture and said "I always bring a picture of Jessica Simpson with me to look at. It reminds me to keep my solos simple." So funny. He also said he knew he didn't have to worry about Jessica showing up to the concert. Funny times.

Today was chapel, going out to breakfast/lunch with some friends, chilling, ditching a class, going to another class for extra credit, and packing. Tonight I'm catching an early dinner with a girl I don't really know but want to get to know. Exciting stuff. You've got love this list format I have going on. It's got to be so boring. I don't know if anyone cares. Anyway. After my dinner it's off to the airport for me. I cannot wait to see my MOM. She has next week off so I get to hang out with her and have a grand old time. And I get to write a term paper. YES! No.

With that I'm off to do a few more things before I head out. Next time I type it will be in lovely nor cal (unless I skip this thing altogether). Peace out.

So it's 10:30 and I'm waiting for a phone call after which I will go to bed. I'm tired tonight, which is a good feeling. Last week I felt like an insomniac and I did not like it. I don't know what's changed. I certainly haven't been more active. Whatever it is, I'll appreciate the extra sleep.

So time lately has grinded to a complete halt lately it seems. Maybe it's just the spring-break-can't-come-fast-enough phenomenon, I don't know. But I feel like things have been crawling for the past two weeks. But in just three short days I'll be on a jet plane headed home and that's a great feeling.

A lot less deep thinking lately. Not entirely sure why. A combination of needing rest and being lazy I think. I definitely don't want to give up on any of those topics (nor will current circumstances allow me to) but they're not as forefront for me right now. Honestly I'm in survival mode right now, which I actually really don't like. I shouldn't live in survival mode. Luckily the next few days are pretty dang full so hopefully they'll go by pretty fast. Tomorrow's a day of ditching to go see Mel in LA. I'm stoked. Soooo stoked. We haven't seen each other in over a year, which marks our longest absence since we met for the first time. Definitely a great reason to ditch class and even miss a quiz. Thursday is a whole stack of classes then a jazz concert at CS Fullerton. Hopefully it's a good one.

Russia meeting tonight was really good. As I came in we were taking prayer requests, which is something we haven't done as a large group before. I caught the last few and shared my own, then we all prayed together. It was bloody awesome. Everyone is really worn down and stressed out and just really under attack, so it was great to just slow down and be honest with each other and bring things to God. After we prayed a girl gave her testimony and it was just really cool. It wasn't that dramatic or anything but I was just so intrigued by her and her story. It was someone who I haven't been completely drawn to thus far so it was really cool to hear more about her and see a piece of her heart. Hopefully I'll have a chance to connect with her soon. What really blew me away is how much she remembered and how well she must listen. At different times she referenced two slightly obscure things from other people's testimonies (including mine) in comparison to her own. I know I definitely listened and was interested when other people have given their testimony, but I'm not sure I could pull out stuff like that. It was really cool.

Lately I've been listening to this chick named Bethany Dillon. She definitely cut her first CD when she was 15, and it's totally ridiculous. I've been listening to her acoustic EP a lot, which is totally amazing. This girl is really talented and best of all isn't the "pop princess" icon that the Christian music industry tends to make out of young girls. Deep lyrics, good music, and a voice that shouldn't be coming out of a fifteen year old. And she seems to be so mature and have such a sense of her calling. I've been pretty blown away by that recently.

I think that's enough for now. No phone call yet, but I'm thinking it's time to get ready for bed.

So the test from hell is over. It's so lovely. I pretty much have nothing going on school wise until after Spring break, which is so nice. Of course after Spring break the flood gates are going to break loose and all hell will rise, but that's a good three weeks away. Let's not think about that now.

Lots of things on my mind recently. Most of them have been building over the semester and some of them are more recent. I definitely wrote 7 pages in my paper journal last night on some of these topics. I think I've been letting myself become a bit intellectually constipated since I've been back here. Everyone's just so busy and everything I haven't really had too many conversations on these kind of issues. Or like none at all. I think none would be more accurate. Let's outline some of these topics:

- Am I more impacted by the fact that I am an American or by the gospel of Christ
- Is there any hope for the unpersecuted, consumeristic American church (which I am invariably a part of)
- Is a worship service all just emotional manipulation
- How do I comfort others going through difficult circumstances
- How do I comfort and love others without fostering dependency
- Why are so many people struggling with self image at my school and why is it that many of them didn't struggle in this area until they came here
- Why are 15 out of 19 people that come into the cardio room within half an hour at my school female, and is this related to the above question

That's just the tip of the iceberg folks. Lots of deep stuff, and all things I don't have figured out yet. I've been really haunted by that first question since I've been back from Aus, and it keeps coming up all over the place here which I really appreciate. I don't think I was ever fully aware of how much a product of my culture and of the world I am. Even my views of people and poverty and punishment and those sorts of things are so shaped by American republic and democracy rather than the Word of God. And we treat people really crappy in American culture as well. I know, this is the nation of "have it your way" and "the customer is always right," but that's all for a buck ya know? How do we treat each other outside of that? We're so wrapped up in our own little lives. My Russia team leader was telling us how in Russian culture if you tell someone you want to spend time with them they'll set aside like a whole day for you. In my stupid college bubble lets hang out means "okay I have an hour, let's try to squeeze in as much as I can." I understand business, I really do...but are we really loving people? Am I really loving people? I think my view is really skewed most of the time.

I think that's enough ranting for now. I just lost my train of thought.

Yet again so behind. Most of my day today has been spent studying for a monster mid-term I have on Monday. Baroque music. Need I say more? This is the most horrible exam I've ever had to study for. Oh yes, it has surpassed HIST 335 at Macquarie. Now that's saying something. At the end of day one of studying I finally feel like I'm actually understanding what I'm reading. That must count for something.

Spent this morning catching up with a friend who I rarely get to spend time with. She's extremely busy, and I treasure any time I can get with her. This morning was really good time. It wasn't "okay I have an hour for you, ready go." It truly was quality time, which is so important to me. And she knows it's important too. I always feel so wonderfully listened to whenever I hang out with her, and she's always very honest with me as well. I had the chance to show her my pictures and tell her some stories. I've shown my Oz pictures to two people at school. This was the first time I felt like I actually got to take my time. I've been back for [almost] three months. That's ridiculous (both about the pictures and about being back).

So most of my life lately has been filled with school work. Mid-terms are in full swing. Right now I can hardly see past Monday. All I know is that when I get home Monday evening around 7:30 my shoulders are going to feel a lot lighter than they do right now. Two more weeks until Spring break, I think I can make it. I can't wait to go home.

More serious things than that have been going on, but my brain is too fried to go through them right now. I've felt like things have been very intense spiritually lately, but in a good way. Relationships are interesting right now too, but I'm learning to trust God with those things. I know He's at work. I see Him at work already, it's amazing. So for now I'm going to keep watching The Sound of Music (the best movie of all time) and let myself wind down a bit. Maybe a bit more studying, then off to bed, only to do the same thing tomorrow.

I miss Sydney today. Just now. And this whole weekend really. Which is funny because I had a really great weekend. Maybe the good times and good people reminded of it...and the fact that I saw Brooke Fraser in concert on Friday night. Freakin awesome. Can I go to Hills on Sunday for church? Or how about Hillsong Women. I bet that's starting up again soon. Anyone wanna buy me a plane ticket?

Wow I'm really behind in this thing. Not going to catch up now. I just wanted to share a fun fact from one of my classes yesterday. My prof was talking about translation, specifically from Hebrew into other languages for the Old Testament. He was saying how it's difficult to translate metaphors from language to language, and you have the decision to either translate it literally or just carry the metaphor over. For example, things like "the Lord's right hand" cross over. Now here's a great one that he shared with us that doesn't cross over. Whenever the Hebrew text says that God had compassion, it literally says that God had a uterus. I think that's the funniest thing ever.

Sooooooooo I just found out that my plans for this next weekend have completely changed. For the past month+ I've thought I was going to Mexico this weekend for a retreat with my missions team. The plans changed about a day ago. I guess everything is way too wet and muddy down there and it would be totally impossible to accommodate 200 people camping. So no weekend in Mexico, which is a little disappointing, but mainly really good. Instead of three nights in rainy, cold, tents we now have one day session of training at a church in town, and then team time on Saturday. We're not even doing anything on Sunday. I'm bummed that we won't have as much bonding time, but seriously it's such a blessing in terms of schoolwork and health and sleep. Hmm good thing I just got a bunch of stuff for Mexico today. Oh well.

So I just spent the last almost two hours talking to one of my team members. So good. SORE good. I went to talk to her because I missed most of the meeting today and had no idea what was going on - as in I still thought we were going to Mexico. So she filled me in on all that, then we just sat and joked and talked for ages. It was so great. Such good bonding time. I told her before I left, see we didn't even need Mexico! This girl is so great, I'm so stoked to get to know her better. And I'm so happy I get to sleep in my own bed this weekend and not be freezing cold!!!! Now I'm really wound up but I need to go to bed. Eating chocolate right now probably isn't helpful.

So while I'm awake I guess I'll write out this thing I just kinda put together. While I was talking to this girl I was telling her about my times overseas and how God seems to put those things together in my life - namely by ridiculous circumstances. And I was saying how God has been gracious enough to make things really obvious in my life because he'll do the most miraculous and ridiculous things. I was thinking about that and realizing how 1 Corinthians chapter 1 that is, with the foolishness of God being wiser than man's wisdom and how God has choose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise and all that. That has been so true of my life, and that's really amazing especially since my tendency is to rely on myself and my own wisdom. The fact that God chooses to work in my life in such a ridiculous fashion is so amazing of him because it makes it so plain to me that it's not by my might but by His. He doesn't have to do that, but he's chose to and that's really incredible. So that's what I realized like ten minutes ago. And now it's time to stop eating and get ready for bed.

Had a nice weekend down in southtown to see some fam. A portion of them were out with the flu so I didn't get to see them at all, but it was still nice to be down there and see who I could and just be away from school a while. Unfortunately my times down there usually equal less sleep (as this weekend did) which puts me a bit tired and behind when I get back to school. Still, it's worth it.

I always end up thinking when I see my family in San Diego. I think about life and priorities and how I want to end up raising my kids. On Sunday I went shopping for a little bit with my cousin and her 10-year-old girl and her friend. Let me tell you, it is frightening to watch girls half your age walk through Pacific Sunwear and Abercrombie. My 2nd cousin wants this skirt form Abercrombie and my cousin told her no way (as she should). It's crazy. I don't know if I could raise a child in this society. I don't know if I could do it. Things are so so hard. I think it's amplified in California, especially southern California, but it's really insane. So much materialism and pressure and standards to live up to. I didn't know what name brand clothing was when I was a kid. My little cousin was wearing an Abercrombie sweatshirt and her little friend one from Volcom. People my age shop at those stores, not ten year olds. Not to mention I won't even shop at Abercrombie out of principle.

So lots of thinking, which I don't have time to go into more because I'm going to be late for class. Today is going to be a long day, I can feel it.

So what happened to that writing every day or nearly? I'm definitely skirting the edge of "nearly" right now. Ah well, this is definitely more frequent than the previous while. I've had a pretty good last couple of days. A little up and down, but what else is new? A bit more toward level though which has been nice. Spent Superbowl Sunday alone which was a little tough but not too bad. I ate entirely too much. Probably comfort eating, oh well. But I got to talk to my parents for the first time in a week since I've been home which was nice.

Monday was filled with class. Pretty good times in class though. Then I got out of my last one early which is always extremely helpful. Tuesday is one of my favorite days of the week because I have my Russia meetings on Tuesday. And to make things even better I got to spend some one-on-one time with my team leader early that afternoon. We talked Sydney and Nor Cal and a bit about plans and music. I'd kinda forgotten until a couple of days ago that my leader doesn't know me and therefore doesn't know that I play guitar or how big a part of my life it is. So I talked to her a little about that and she's put me in charge of that aspect of things so that's really awesome. Learning Russian songs. Oh boy. I've heard Russian is extremely difficult. Thank goodness these will be children's songs, we couldn't handle much more.

Had a great time at our meeting that night. Sat next to someone new and had a great time making little comments with her and getting to see her personality. She is definitely someone I want to hang out with. Good times. Our leader really stressed the importance of being in the Word daily and said that as our time to leave gets nearer that Satan is going to be attacking us more and more. Just the night before I'd told one of my friends to ask me how I'm going with God like all the time. I'm really trying to be disciplined in the time that I spend with God. Even though I don't "feel" much right now it's still really important for me to spend that time and to be rooted in the truth of God. And she asked me today how things were with God, and it was cool to be able to say "good" because the past couple days have been good. I've been reading Nehemiah. Israel has a fatty revival in Nehemiah, it's really awesome. And I really like saying Nehemiah. It's not as fun to type.

I really like some of my classes. Or maybe just my church history class, I don't know. But today we were talking about some of the theological differences between Luther and Zwingli (Swiss reformation leader), namely, communion. Zwingli thought of communion as symbolic whereas Luther holds that the body and blood are present with the bread and wine. That was so important to him that he couldn't call his Swiss reformers brothers in Christ. Crazy. I admire how much Luther wants to take Christ at his word, but seriously I don't think we can take every word of Jesus literally. I really don't think he was holding his body in his hand at the last supper when he said "This is my body." Kinda the same thing as when he says you must hate your mother and father etc. if you want to be his follower. You don't have to hate them. You're not supposed to hate anyone. He was making a deeper point. Speaking figuratively. I think that's what he was talking about at the last supper as well. I could go deeper but I don't really want to start a deep theological discussion. But if you disagree with me, know that I have deeper thoughts on it than that, I'm just not putting them here.

Today's Ash Wednesday and I'm thinking I'll probably end up going to the service we're having on campus tonight. I've been debating since it starts late and I have a test tomorrow, but I'm feeling semi okay about the test and I have time to study in the afternoon. I really want to have that time of reflection, especially since I want to take the season of lent more seriously this year. I figure if I need discipline and a time to seek God then lent is definitely a great avenue toward that. Several years ago during lent I decided that I would memorize a verse of Scripture every day. Let me tell you, it was a-ma-zing. I've decided I want to do that again this year. I'm almost good on today's. Only have a few hours left on that, I should probably get it down stronger. So I'm excited for that. That's good for now.

So I was thinking tonight (okay like ten minutes ago) about journaling and how it's been helpful in my life. In the past week or so I've looked back a couple of times at old stuff and I've realized how much I saw God at work during those times. Part of that is the phase of life you're in. Things work in seasons. But a lot of it is just looking for it I think. A lot of times I let the day go by and don't even reflect on what's been good and what's been bad and everything else. I think I miss a lot of stuff by doing that. I've got to admit that sometimes that is completely intentional. I think it's been that way for the past couple months.

So I'm wondering if I should turn over some new leaf and really commit myself to examining my day. Or maybe not every day, but something close to it. I didn't do much today, but I know that God was present in the midst of it. I didn't get depressed today. That's pretty huge for a weekend. Weekends tend to equal depression. Not much to do, confined to the apartment all day, boring homework...it's not fun. The whole week there are classes and work and people to block things out, but when you get the weekend...well, it's just you. You and your homework, which is even worse. I miss the sense of feeling like where I was at was important. In Australia if I felt that way at least I was still in Australia. I was having an adventure in another country. Now I'm just in the arm-pit of the San Fernando valley, sitting in my apartment with nothing but homework and some laundry to do. But that didn't depress me today.

I went to...I don't know what to call it...some kind of outdoor park/wilderness area with hiking trails and such today. Not the prettiest place I've ever seen by any means, but nice to be out of the apartment. I sat myself down on a rock by a stream and listened to the water flowing by as I did some reading. I think I'm going to have to do stuff like that a lot or I'm going to go insane. I wanted it to be Australia. I wanted it to be the path by Leah's and to walk amongst cool plants and hear the extra noisy (and large) birds and listen to the water lap up against the boats. I wanted to see my little brown boat and think about the things God has promised me and spoken to me in the quietness of my heart. I wanted that kind of beauty. Instead I had mountains with extra large power lines through them and a barren river that ran through rocks and had a pipe going through it. I will never live in Southern California. But it was something. It wasn't alone in my apartment with homework and laundry. So that was God's grace to me today. Sitting by an ugly stream and not being depressed.

I had a good day today with my roommate too. Though we were both gone for most of the afternoon I got to hang out with her last night and tonight. Obviously since she's my roommate I see her a lot, but I haven't had alone time with her, which I really miss. It was a lot like old times these last two nights. Things are different in my friendships now, and that's hard. I'm trusting it will come back to normal, but right now is an adjustment period. Sometimes I feel really awkward around people; people that I know well. But not this weekend (at least not with her) which has been great fun. And I think that's enough processing for now. That's a good healthy start, and I even enjoyed it.

Things I have learned recently:

• Parallel parking
• Don't show Russians the bottoms of your feet
• God is not absent even when I don't feel Him
• Prayer works
• Not getting 8 hours of sleep makes for cranky Krystle

So since I'm between activities and don't want to do any kind of work because it's Friday night (or maybe I haven't wanted to do work ever) I should try to catch this thing up with a little more detail.

Two weeks have now gone by in so cal and things are going alright. My classes look okay and the subjects are somewhat interesting. It's certainly different than school was in Australia, and it's good to be semi-interested in my classes again. Today in my music class my prof was stopping this video he was showing and making commentary about all sorts of strange things. At one point he talked about how he'd like to stage some opera with OJ Simpson. I didn't understand. I don't understand. But it was really funny. He looks like Mr. Magoo.

The biggest thing in my life over the past month is the decision to go to Russia. While I was in Australia I knew that I needed to look into overseas mission trips for this summer, and over a few months Eastern Europe really popped a lot. I had/have this strange desire to go to Ukraine. Russia isn't Ukraine, but it's close and they have similar history and problems having both dealt with the Soviet Union and communism. So through a lot of different circumstances and praying and some conversations with friends it ended up being Russia. We're going to spend most of our time there working at a summer camp with orphans. Yeah. Picture a summer camp. In Russia. And put orphans in it. It's going to be crazy but it's going to be so awesome. I'm really really excited. I cannot even express how excited I am. We had our first team meeting earlier this week and I seriously wanted to jump up and down when I got home I was so excited. And I started to look for people I could call just so I could tell them how excited I was.

So this week has seen the monumental task of sending out support letters. I've never done that before. It was pretty weird. I kept thinking, "Am I really doing this? Am I really going, or am I just sending a fake letter to these people?" It's an odd sensation. I suppose a little bit of it is that it came up pretty quickly for me, but it's probably weird anyway. Did I mention I'm excited?

This afternoon I caught up with one of my roommates from freshman year. She was gone spring of last year and I was gone this past semester so we hadn't seen each other for quite some time. It was great to see her and talk about the overseas experience a little. Basically she doesn't want to live in America. She wants to be a translator in a Spanish speaking country. I think that's really awesome, and I think she'll do it. So long as she doesn't get in trouble with the CIA or FBI. I told her not to go to any protest rallies.

I got my other old roommate's phone number from her and called her this afternoon. I don't think I've seen her since freshman year, but I've heard a bit of how she's doing from mutual friends/acquaintances. Basically she's married now and has a little girl. A lot has changed, but it sounds like she's doing really well. She's going to drop by next week for a while to say hi. I'm really really stoked to see her and catch up on the last couple years of life. And I think she's going to have her little girl with her too. I saw pictures and she's adorable.

So that's me in the last few days. Sometimes feeling out of place but overall doing reasonably well. God's really gracious. And very patient. Very very patient. I'm trying to seek Him again on a regular basis. Sometimes that proves difficult, but he's patient, and loving. Yesterday I was walking home from class alone and was looking up in the sky and it was just this weird moment of "the universe is so big and right now I feel alone in it but I'm not alone because God's with me right now." So it was like just me and Him walking along. I talked to him a bit. I talked in short unimpressive sentences. I'm glad He's okay with that. I'm glad I can walk home with him.

Who's going to Russia in six months? Oh that's me. Unless all my referencers hate me.

New template still needs a lot of work.